Question

I am positive and pregnant and scared to tell my partner?

24 December 2017. Related: All topics, Disclosure, Newly diagnosed, Pregnancy.

Hi, I am HIV positive and I am scared to tell him. I found out that I am pregnant already. What should I do?

Answer

Answer: Simon Collins

Hi

Thanks for writing – it sounds like you have a lot going on.

Even though this sounds difficult, everything can be okay. Do you have anyone else you can talk to? This is because it will be easier if you have some support – even if this is a nurse or health worker.

Looking at different issue separately can also make things easier to manage.

Firstly, I am only worried about you right now.

if you only recently found out you were HIV positive, getting support and information about this will help you feel stronger. HIV is now easy to treat, in nearly every country n the world.

HIV treatment (called ART) will mean you can lead a long, active normal life. ART also protects your partner, and also your baby. So getting support and information about ART is probably the most important thing. If you are not yet on ART, then this is also important now, especially as you are pregnant.

If you already are on treatment, then this means both your partner and baby are already protected against HIV.

This means you can take time to decide if and when to talk about HIV to your partner. Without knowing more about your circumstances and how your partner will react, it is difficult to say the best way to do this.

For example, perhaps your partner is already positive, and many men are in denial and won;t admit this. Even if they are positive, some men still run away. Others behave differently and focus on how to talk about your health and your time together – and the plans to have a baby.

This is why is is better to have someone to talk with you knows you and your situation well.

In focusing on putting yourself first, you will be stronger to deal with everything else. This includes any decision about the baby or your partner.

If you write back with more details about your main fears I can talk through other options. For example, are you more worried about telling your partner about HIV or about being pregnant.