Q and A

Question

I’m negative and my wife is positive – how do I cope sexually?

My wife is HIV positive, I am negative. How do I cope sexually. Should we just stop it all together? Every time I have a go (with or without a condom), I am scared.

Answer

There are plenty of couples who are in a similar situation to you and your wife.  Where one is partner positive and the other is negative it is called being ‘sero different’.  You can continue to have a good and healthy relationship for many years.

Please can you also take a look at this page and the information on sero different couples and risk.

It is advisable that you should use protection during sex.  This is because a very small amount of the virus is present in the vaginal fluids.

HIV is not an easy virus to catch.  The risk of catching HIV depends on several factors.  Knowing these factors can help you to understand how HIV is transmitted and minimize the risks.  You can find all the  information in this guide: HIV testing and risks of sexual transmission.

Can I ask if your wife is on treatment at the moment?  Being on treatment reduces the rate of transmission by 96% and with a good adherence; her viral load should be at ‘undetectable’ level – below 50 copies.

Finally, does your wife have any support at the moment?  Getting support from your local support group or a counsellor can help her to come to terms living with HIV. She will also be able to gain and share experiences with others who are in the similar situation as her, rather than having to deal with it in isolation.  You might find it helpful getting support for yourself and also as a couple too.

14 comments

  1. Lisa Thorley

    Hi Frank,

    Finding out that a loved one has HIV can be difficult, especially if you’re in a sexual relationship with that person. However, its important to know that HIV is a very manageable health condition. And that if your partner is on medication the risk of transmission is to close to zero. Please see here for more info:

    https://i-base.info/qa-on-the-partner-study/

    Its very possible that your partner will be going through a difficult time as well. If you can support each other, this may make things easier. Also your partner is no different to other women.

  2. Frank

    I’m going through the same thing right now, its hard to deal with.

  3. Lisa Thorley
  4. Pam

    I made love with a lady outside and the condom break I and my wife are sick are we in the risk of infecting HIV?