Question
My boyfriend was diagnosed with HIV and I dumped him…
28 February 2008. Related: All topics.
My boyfriend told me about two months ago that he is HIV positive. I have never slept with him without a condom because he was always careful not to. I am glad he was that considerate. But because of my ignorance, I got scared and left. My last exposure was New years night 2008.
I am so scared because i have have been having all the symptoms of an HIV infection lately. I am thinking maybe the condoms broke a few times and he never said anything or maybe our private touched before he put on the condoms. He used to finger me all the time. But he insisted that we never had oral sex even though I had requested it a few times. Because we were drunk New Years night, when we were trying to kiss I think I accidentally bit his mouth with my teeth but i didn’t see or taste any blood.
I know he is a stand up guy but my mind is telling me that I contracted HIV that night. Now I have been really sick with aches in my joints and my muscles. My lymph nodes are swollen all over my body. I have been having a mild fever. Well my skin feels hot to my touch but the thermometer says temp is normal. 97 degrees.
What are my chances of contracting? I miss this guy but how can I get over the fear of sleeping with a positive person even with a condom?
Life is unfair. What about these symptoms I am having? My lymph nodes are swollen and the aches are terrible.
Answer
Your boyfriend has clearly taken great care to make sure that you were never at risk from catching HIV. Your symptoms are far more likely to be related to stress, anxiey or other viral infections like ‘flu than HIV. If you take an HIV test this will confirm that you are still HIV-negative.
It sounds like you have not been able to support your boyfriend at all so far. You may not be ready for a relationship with an HIV-positive person until you have come to terms with all sorts of issues. Many couples have very successful relationships though without having to share the same HIV status.
It is still sad to hear when fear and the lack of accurate information prevents relationships.
The fear of HIV is generally much worse than the risk of catching HIV itself. You perhaps need to find out reliable information to inform yourself. Try avert at this link.
Hello Michaela and thanks for getting in touch.
In the UK you can find condoms and HIV tests in pharmacies – not for the price you mention though.
You can get both free at sexual health clinics.
you can order test kits for free online and buy HIV tests online – again not for the price you mention.
However, despite I feel your position is very interesting, and I agree condoms and testing should be even more accessible, the one thing that made a huge difference in the number of new diagnosis was PrEP.
I feel it should be made more available to women, like contraception is, and counselling about family planning.
That would be a serious game changer in my opinion.
However, women need also become better informed and ask for it but also identify their risk in the first place.
I think there should be a law out in place. We buy condoms in shops for prevention of pregnancy. They should sell in shops HIV test. That way two people get tested before having sex. This way there be no mistakes and you will have a choice. And the test kit should be price of condoms. £3.00.
This will be the best prevention.
Hi Sheri, thanks, condoms are very effective so you will not get HIV when you use them. Please read more here.
https://i-base.info/qa/11844