Question
My boyfriend was diagnosed with HIV and I dumped him…
28 February 2008. Related: All topics.
My boyfriend told me about two months ago that he is HIV positive. I have never slept with him without a condom because he was always careful not to. I am glad he was that considerate. But because of my ignorance, I got scared and left. My last exposure was New years night 2008.
I am so scared because i have have been having all the symptoms of an HIV infection lately. I am thinking maybe the condoms broke a few times and he never said anything or maybe our private touched before he put on the condoms. He used to finger me all the time. But he insisted that we never had oral sex even though I had requested it a few times. Because we were drunk New Years night, when we were trying to kiss I think I accidentally bit his mouth with my teeth but i didn’t see or taste any blood.
I know he is a stand up guy but my mind is telling me that I contracted HIV that night. Now I have been really sick with aches in my joints and my muscles. My lymph nodes are swollen all over my body. I have been having a mild fever. Well my skin feels hot to my touch but the thermometer says temp is normal. 97 degrees.
What are my chances of contracting? I miss this guy but how can I get over the fear of sleeping with a positive person even with a condom?
Life is unfair. What about these symptoms I am having? My lymph nodes are swollen and the aches are terrible.
Answer
Your boyfriend has clearly taken great care to make sure that you were never at risk from catching HIV. Your symptoms are far more likely to be related to stress, anxiey or other viral infections like ‘flu than HIV. If you take an HIV test this will confirm that you are still HIV-negative.
It sounds like you have not been able to support your boyfriend at all so far. You may not be ready for a relationship with an HIV-positive person until you have come to terms with all sorts of issues. Many couples have very successful relationships though without having to share the same HIV status.
It is still sad to hear when fear and the lack of accurate information prevents relationships.
The fear of HIV is generally much worse than the risk of catching HIV itself. You perhaps need to find out reliable information to inform yourself. Try avert at this link.
Hi Rahel, what do you not understand and what information do you want?
I don’t understand what it is. Someone tell me
Hi Geo, as you had used condoms there is no risk of transmission when used correctly.
Even though HIV is not the cause of your current symptoms, it is always a good idea to get regularly tested. This is only to make sure you are aware of your own status and being proactive about your own health.
What has your doctor said is the cause of your tongue feeling burnt? and have you been given any treatment?
I had relations with a suspicious person and started getting like a burnt tongue feeling after 3 weeks and some ulcers. Condoms were used , I am freaking out. I visited a doctor who said there is no need to get tested. Should I get tested?
Hi Nerima, do you feel comfortable and at a point in your relationship that you would be comfortable to ask?
Hey, i have dated this guy for a month & a half now & we have had live sex three times. Recently a friend told me that she got rumors about my guy being HIV positive, due to fear, i went for check & it came out negative but my doc says i have to redo the checkup after three months, but before that i really want to confirm if my guy is HIV positive or its just rumors. I haven’t got any ideas on how to it. I really need some help. Thank you
Hi Josh, after 6 weeks a 4th generation test is conclusive. If you have been using these tests and are negative, the result is accurate – you do not have HIV. Please follow this link for more information: https://i-base.info/qa/factsheets/hiv-transmission-and-testing
I had a risky exposure with a sex worker 6weeks ago. Been having stomach cramps on the right abdomen, loss of appetite, face rash, asymmetrical shoulder pain and fatigue for over 4weeks now. I’ve done 3 HIV tests, all negative but I have to wait for the 3 months window period to elapse. The anxiety is killing me.
Hi TP – thanks for sharing your story. Although i-Base is about HIV treatment, I am posting this because I am sure other people will have similar experiences – either as HIV positive or HIV negative partners. Your immediate reactions tell you how much fear and stigma is still around. This is what we live with and it that makes it difficult for people living with HIV.
Your partner is on effective treatment, so there is no risk to you. See U=U for more info (https://i-base.info/u-equals-u). This means that he did not put you at any risk. But, as you say, you did abuse his trust by reading his personal letters and then looking though his cabinet.
Relationships often develop without plans and talking about HIV is difficult. However, rather than just worrying about your anger, you then started to think about how your partner might feel. This shows that you do feel for him – as does writing this post now.
But your words still show discrimination – suggesting he is living a lie and talking about ‘coming clean’ and ‘stash’. Whether you like it or not he is likely to pick up on your prejudice and this isn’t likely to make him want to talk. Health information if personal and private. People living with HIV have the right to privacy, just as you do.
It might be better to firstly read about HIV and modern treatment. The U=U link above is a good place to start. Then maybe show that you are interested in HIV in general and that you are aware of U=U in general conversation, maybe when this comes up in the news. With time he might feel supported enough to talk more.
You might be okay with HIV but he might not be okay about you breaking his trust. At some point in the future you might be able to be more honest about what happened but every relationship is different. How and when you time different discussions might be important.