Q and A

Question

How do I tell my partner that I’m HIV positive?

I have a big problem and I need your help, I’m dating a guy who works in the government as a clinic office,but my problem is am HIV positive .I was born with it and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell him about it because have slept with him already,and it scares me a lot to tell him cos the guy seems he loves me and I love him too,plz I need your advice,what should I do? Yours faithful

Answer

Thanks for getting in touch.

I appreciate that is can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are involved in a sexual relationship with that person.

There’s never an easy way to tell people. But if you see the relationship going forward you may need to tell him. As he works in a clinic he may have a good understanding about HIV.

Have you tried introducing the topic? If you are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of transmission are close to zero. As the recent PARTNER study illustrates:
https://i-base.info/htb/30108

This is perhaps something that you could introduce to him.

87 comments

  1. Josh Peasegood

    Hi Ayo, how have you been coping with being HIV positive? and are you on treatment?

    Do you know how you became HIV positive?

    Telling a partner can be very difficult. Have you had any discussions with your fiancé around HIV and would you feel safe to tell them?

    Does anyone in your family know or a friend? Having them be with you when you decide to tell your fiancé can help make it easier.

    Please see our disclosure Q&A: https://i-base.info/qa/category/disclosure Many people are in the same situation as yoourself and it may be helpful to read how others have approached this situation.

  2. Ayo

    I’m hiv positive house…..for good 5 months now and I don’t know how to tell my fiancé

  3. Josh Peasegood

    Hi Emmanauel, it is great that you are undetectable. As your partner is a doctor hopefully this means they will have more understanding about HIV.

    Is there anything specific that means you are fearful about telling her? Do you know how she feels about HIV?

  4. Emmanuel

    I have a girl she is a medical doctor.i fear to tell her about hiv positive though I’m undetective

  5. Josh Peasegood

    Hi Johanna, this is a difficult question and will be different for everybody. The only time that is right and when you feel comfortable and safe to do so. Have you had any discussions about HIV with your partner? and do you know how they feel about HIV? Have you told any of your friends/family that would be able to support you while telling them. Disclosing your status is personal and can be a process. It is not something you should feel rushed to do.

  6. Johanna

    When is the right time to tell your partner about you status and without her\him leaving you after you have told him\her about your status?

  7. Josh Peasegood

    Hi MC, it is great that you are being so supportive. Telling someone their status can be a very difficult thing to do. Even after, there may be feelings of regret/insecurity about sharing their status. Have you been able to have a conversation with your parter about how you feel about his status?

    While he has been on medication, and using protection there is no risk of transmission. This is explained by U=U: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/

    Or are you able to give him some time? Being open about his status, he may need some time to readjust to you knowing. Each person is going to react differently to how they share personal information – even with those they love. Do you have any friends or family that can help?

    Have you heard of the Terrance Higgins Trust? They will be able to provide further support: https://www.tht.org.uk/contact-us

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