Question
How can I tell my partner about HIV?
18 April 2025. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples, Southern Africa, Support.
Hi there, I tested HIV positive August 2024, and started meditation, then November 2024 I had unprotected sex.
It has now been 5 months we’ve been having sex without condoms with my partner and 8 months on medication.
Is my partner at risk? and how can I tell him about my status because I’m scared HIV is a big turn off to him.
He doesn’t like it and he wants us to have a baby. I don’t want to lose him please
My boyfriend dislikes the word HIV, so I’m scared of telling him my status
Answer
Hi there
Congratulations on doing so well on your medication.
Testing for HIV and starting ART (HIV medication) is the best thing you can do. It means you can stay well and live a long life.
Daily ART reduces HIV to such low levels that it becomes undetectable on a regular blood test. This is called your viral load.
When viral load is less than 200 copies/mL you cannot pass HIV to your boyfriend. This is even if you don’t use condoms. This is called Undetectable = Untransmittable or U=U, click on the link to find out more.
ART will also protect your baby if you decide to have one.
Your boyfriend has not been at risk because you were on ART for three months before you met. Most people become undetectable within three months especially if your meds are TLD.
I am sorry your boyfriend does not want to talk about HIV. Maybe he is scared that he has HIV and that you will think badly of him.
These tips on talking to your boyfriend were written by other women living with HIV:
- Find out how much your partner knows about HIV by having a conversation when HIV is on the radio or TV.
- Try and talk about U=U, maybe tell him you heard someone else talking about it. Tell him you heard that HIV is not like in the old days.
- If you decide to tell your partner, do it in a place where you can leave safely in case he reacts badly.
If you decide not to tell your partner and you have a baby together, it will be very stressful to keep it a secret and have to hide your medication and clinic appointments.
Finally, I want to make sure you are ok. HIV takes a while to get used to, even when you are doing well on meds. It can help to talk with other women living with HIV who have been through the same as you.
Do you have anyone you can talk to, even a friend or family member who is understanding?
You deserve a boyfriend who can learn about HIV and support you.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
See also: 10 tips to telling a partner about HIV.
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