Q and A

Question

How do I tell my positive partner I am also positive?

Hi, I have started dating this new guy and I’ve noticed his taking Trivenz but has not told me about his status and I happen to be positive myself and on Tribuss,I’ve been thinking on how to tell him about my status without making him run but also open up to me? I truly love him and don’t want to lose him.

Answer

Hi

Thanks for sharing your experience. Although I am sure other people have been in the same situation, I think this is the first time this question has ever been asked.

In many circumstances, just telling each other straight away would be easy. The only caution would be is your think he is still insecure of his own HIV status or in denial about it – in which case he might feel very exposed at a time when he might not be ready.

As you already feel strongly for him, you could let your relationship develop without having to worry about HIV – certainly no in terms of risk to each other. The stronger your relationship gets, the easier you will find to talk about it when the time feels right.

Also, this will give you time to gently bring up HIV in a general conversation that isn’t personal to either of you. Perhaps a news story or talking about a friend. This would give you a chance to show how open you are about the subject, where you could say something supportive in general – perhaps about how you could easily date a positive guy, or how good it is that treatment reduces the risk of transmission.

When you do come to discuss this, the shared experience could bring you closer together. Your relationship will have good grounds based on liking each other first rather than the first thing in common just being your HIV status.

These are just ideas though from my own experience. This service is to provide information about HIV treatment, but this is also in the context of real life situations that people living with HIV commonly face.

These are just ideas though from my own experience. This service is to provide information about HIV treatment, but this is also in the context of real life situations that people living with HIV commonly face.

Every one is different, and I also knew one couple who were both positive and on treatment and who had never talked about HIV. They each kept their meds in vitamin containers that they kept in the same bathroom cabinet – and still never talked . That was a few years ago though so perhaps they have had this discussion since.

I hope everything works out for you. Please let us know in a future comment sometime, if you feel you want to do this.

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