Question
Why can’t I find a partner?
20 February 2017. Related: All topics, Disclosure, Living with HIV long-term.
I am Simon I was only 28 year old when I got HIV. Since then I’ve found no one that will love me because of being scared of me, there are many none HIV men out there that just walk away. I have a lot to give.
But in 12 years I have met no one . I am so alone and the pain does not go . What can I do as I would have found love if I did not have HIV. Why are people so scared of me ?
Answer
Hi Simon,
It sounds like you may not have meet the right person, and this could have happened even if you weren’t HIV positive. That said, there’s no denying that dating and relationships can be hard for people who are HIV positive. This is usually I suspect down to ill informed attitudes and due to a lack of knowledge of what it means to be living with HIV in the age of excellent treatment. And of course undetectability.
The knock backs that you’ve had, how have they been? Also have you ever been in a position to explain that if someone is on meds then the risk of transmission is close to zero?
Because this is affecting your life, have you thought about accessing some support? In the UK there is a lot out there, even in the age austerity. This is may help, it may also be a good way to meet someone. Though this is not to say that you should only date people who are positive. You can of course date whoever you like. Many people do, and with people who are also negative.
Hi Lisa,
Unless other STIs or pregnancy are an issues, then no you don’t need to use condoms. Therefore if you want to have sex without them, then you can.
My partner and I are both HIV positive. We are both on treatment and both our viral loads are undetectable and our CD4 count are above 650.
Do we still need to use condoms when having sex?