Question
Should I tell my partner about my status before we marry?
17 January 2023. Related: All topics, Disclosure.
Hi, I’m Susan and HIV positive. I am currently in a relationship. It’s 10 months now the man doesn’t know my status but i know he’s negative. We are planning to marry each other. I am confused, should I tell him or just continue with my medication? please help.
Answer
Hi Susan, how are you doing?
Do you know how your partner feels about HIV? and would you feel safe/comfortable to do so?
Telling someone your status is very personal and you should only do this if you want to. Do your friends/family know?
As you are on treatment and if you are undetectable, there is no risk of transmission to your partner. This is called U=U. Often explaining this can make telling your partner much easier.
Being unsure of disclosing is very common. Our disclosure Q&A may be helpful to read. It is also important to note that some countries require disclosure prior to marriage. Where are you based?
Josh.
Hello Janice and thanks for getting in touch.
I understand your concerns and worry and share some of them.
A relationship is something you build with people you are in contact with, usually not just online.
I am a bit concerned because recently there have been some scams online where a number of women were taken advantage and lost their money.
Please be careful.
If you are sure this person is real and has your best interest at heart then sharing your status should make this relationship more substantial and deep.
If he cannot accept you based on your status then it’s best to know sooner than later.
Whatever your decision is please be careful and safe.
It is completely up to you to decide to tell him your status or not.
Protect yourself.
This site will allow you to check the requirements for migrating to any country:
https://www.positivedestinations.info
And this site has information that will allow you to meet people online safely:
https://www.esafety.gov.au/key-topics/staying-safe/online-dating
I’ve never met the person who wants to marry me but he’s famous and he once commented rudely about HIV. I don’t need to disclose my HIV undetectable status to him but he wants me to move to Costa Rica. Would I have to disclose my HIV status there or in California or San Francisco? And normally do Catholics use condoms? As he’s Catholic. He would discriminate and not marry me if I told him even though I have an undetectable viral load?