Question
I am scared of telling my partner about HIV
31 July 2024. Related: All topics, Support.
Hi, I am on my medication and my partner does not know about my situation.
We have been having sex without condoms since day one of my medication.
I am scared of telling him
Answer
Hi there
Thank you for your question because so many similar people say the same thing.
Even with treatment that gives decades of extra life and that even protects our partners even without condoms, the stigma against HIV still makes it difficult to disclose.
But even though this should be the easiest thing to say when we first people a potential partner, many of these people just run, still out of fear and ignorance.
Even though our partners are not at risk when we are on effective treatment, and they are the ones who don’t want to use condoms – they can stick react violently if we say we are positive.
Have you talked to you partner in general about HIV. Perhaps you could try this first in case he is more aware and sympathetic than you think.
I don’t have an easy answer but I worry that you are scared to talk about anything with your partner. I am especially worried that this includes HIV because it means that you will always be carrying around this fear.
On the one hand this means you will never have the freedom and support to just openly share this part of you life with your partner, and that you will never have the support from the person this close to you.
It also means that your relationships will also be vulnerable even after years of everything else being okay, just because of your partners’ ignorance or prejudice.
Also, you didn’t specify if you think your partner might react violently to you if he found out. I say this because reports of intimate partner violence (IPV) are increased when HIV is a factor. If you fear a violent response then this doesn’t sound like a good relationship to stay in.
Finally, even without knowing you well, you are an amazing person.
You have gone through many things in life, including overcoming HIV and including managing treatment to make sure you have a good life.
You deserve someone who actively supports you in life.
I hope that things work out to be happier for you, whatever you decide.
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