Question

What can I do if I find out someone I slept with was positive?

7 September 2010. Related: All topics.

Good morning I would like to know if someone sleeps with a person that is HIV positive and he doesnt know that she is and find out a day after intercourse what can he do?

Answer

Answer: Charlotte Walker

Thank you for your question.

Did you talk about HIV before you slept together. Did you talk about your HIV status and how you felt about HIV? Did you use a condom?

If you used a condom, then you have no risk of HIV. If you did not use a condom, then you have to accept responsibility for this and not blame somebody else. It is 2010 and anyone old enough to have sex, is old enough to know they should use condoms if they are worried about HIV.

In this instance, it may help you to know that the risk from any one heterosexual exposure from a women to a man is generally very low.

Laws are different in every country, but the legal system is a bad way to deal with sexual relationships, especially if you are worrying about HIV when you may not even be HIV-positive. How you know that she is HIV-positive e.g. not just via someone else telling you a rumour but you know this for a fact. If you can prove she was aware of her status before you had sex and if she didn’t try to use protection. You would also need to be able to prove you were not HIV positive before you had sex with her as well. Have you had a test recently?

It is important to remember that everyone is responsible for their own sexual behaviour. If you both decided to have unprotected sex then you both put yourselves at risk. There are many people who are HIV positive and are not aware of their status. Infection should not be blamed on the individual who is positive. This fuels stigma and discrimination.