Question
My boyfriend was diagnosed with HIV and I dumped him…
28 February 2008. Related: All topics.
My boyfriend told me about two months ago that he is HIV positive. I have never slept with him without a condom because he was always careful not to. I am glad he was that considerate. But because of my ignorance, I got scared and left. My last exposure was New years night 2008.
I am so scared because i have have been having all the symptoms of an HIV infection lately. I am thinking maybe the condoms broke a few times and he never said anything or maybe our private touched before he put on the condoms. He used to finger me all the time. But he insisted that we never had oral sex even though I had requested it a few times. Because we were drunk New Years night, when we were trying to kiss I think I accidentally bit his mouth with my teeth but i didn’t see or taste any blood.
I know he is a stand up guy but my mind is telling me that I contracted HIV that night. Now I have been really sick with aches in my joints and my muscles. My lymph nodes are swollen all over my body. I have been having a mild fever. Well my skin feels hot to my touch but the thermometer says temp is normal. 97 degrees.
What are my chances of contracting? I miss this guy but how can I get over the fear of sleeping with a positive person even with a condom?
Life is unfair. What about these symptoms I am having? My lymph nodes are swollen and the aches are terrible.
Answer
Your boyfriend has clearly taken great care to make sure that you were never at risk from catching HIV. Your symptoms are far more likely to be related to stress, anxiey or other viral infections like ‘flu than HIV. If you take an HIV test this will confirm that you are still HIV-negative.
It sounds like you have not been able to support your boyfriend at all so far. You may not be ready for a relationship with an HIV-positive person until you have come to terms with all sorts of issues. Many couples have very successful relationships though without having to share the same HIV status.
It is still sad to hear when fear and the lack of accurate information prevents relationships.
The fear of HIV is generally much worse than the risk of catching HIV itself. You perhaps need to find out reliable information to inform yourself. Try avert at this link.
I was always telling him that we should use condoms like before ,so as the time still moving he refused to use them…so as I’m still young and the worse is that it’s going to be very hard to tell my parents if I’m HIV positive..
Hi Thabsile,
I hope you don’t mind but I’ve made your comment a bit shorter.
It’s good to hear that your boyfriend has been taking pills for HIV. That’s because HIV treatment (called ART) can reduce the amount of virus to such tiny levels that there’s zero chance of transmitting HIV, even when you don’t use condoms. For more info on this please see U=U here.
Do you and your boyfriend need support for HIV? If you live in South Africa you can contact the Treatment Action Campaign for local support at this link.
I found HIV pills at my boyfriends place and when I confronted him about it .. He never admitted they are his and the worse part is that I always insisted that we use protection but he refused.. I don’t wanna die am a single mother . how can 1 human being be so cruel though.. I have blocked him out of my life.
Hi Loraine,
Go for another test and try not to be too hard on your partner. It’s possible that the last HIV test that he had was false negative, this can happen.
Hi. My boyfriend and I did an HIV 1/2 test a week ago and mine came back negative while he tested positive. Before then, I asked him about his status an he said he was HIV negative as he tested in February. I trusted him and we have had unprotected sex for over a month until we did the test and I stopped having sex with him as I am still traumatized about his results and my potential exposure. I have a little baby girl and I am so scared of dying and leaving her in this world. I feel so much anger and resentment towards my boyfriend even though he claims his last HIV test was negative. According to my calculation, I tested 5 weeks after my first exposure, now the waiting for my window period is killing me. Do you have have any advice? I’m even thinking of testing again this week
Hi Mina,
It is common for one partner to be HIV positive and the other HIV negative even when they don’t always use condoms.
Is your partner taking HIV treatment (ART)? Please see this Q&A for more info on this.
However, it’s a good idea to talk to the doctor about having an HIV test for yourself and your daughter.
My mother recently told me that my dad is HIV positive and she was devasted… However she is negative, as she has always preached use of a condom even when married, I got traditionally married a while ago and had my daughter. A couple of days ago my partner told me he is HIV positive, we have been using condoms on and off since our daughters birth. I have never slept with anyone else since meeting him. I’m now scared that I might be positive as well to a point where I’m afraid to go to the doctor for confirmation. I’m losing weight, have been fatigued and have some joint and muscle pain. I’m scared for my future and that of my daughter. Plz advise
I hid my status from my partners for years.Both of them.they are married.It was fear insecurity that drove me to my actions.I was and am still in love with them and love them very much..Recently I spilt my guts to them told them the whole truth..You can imagine their fear and doubt as we had unprotected sex many times..4yrs worth.Im undetectable..They got tested came back negative..they have a whole new understanding..They Love and Accept me for me..telling the truth was the best thing I did.loving life …boy in the
Hi Tee,
It can be really difficult for people who are positive to talk about their status with sexual partners. Some people wait until they are sure about the relationship, this is often due to the stigma that is associated with HIV.
With regards to him lying to you, maybe you might want to ask him why he lied. But just to let you know lots of people are in relationships with people who are positive and even if it can be a shock at first it isn’t really an issue. As to what you do, I really can’t help you with this as I don’t know either you nor your partner.
What to do when boyfriend lies about having HIV while discussing HIV.. Then I find medicine is found a month later? Boyfriend is remorseful but I can’t get over the lie.. I’m an understanding person