Question
Should I tell my partner about my status before we marry?
17 January 2023. Related: All topics, Disclosure.
Hi, I’m Susan and HIV positive. I am currently in a relationship. It’s 10 months now the man doesn’t know my status but i know he’s negative. We are planning to marry each other. I am confused, should I tell him or just continue with my medication? please help.
Answer
Hi Susan, how are you doing?
Do you know how your partner feels about HIV? and would you feel safe/comfortable to do so?
Telling someone your status is very personal and you should only do this if you want to. Do your friends/family know?
As you are on treatment and if you are undetectable, there is no risk of transmission to your partner. This is called U=U. Often explaining this can make telling your partner much easier.
Being unsure of disclosing is very common. Our disclosure Q&A may be helpful to read. It is also important to note that some countries require disclosure prior to marriage. Where are you based?
Josh.
Hi Leni, well done on disclosing to your partner. This can’t have been easy for you to do.
When did you tell him and how long has it been? While you have been taking the time to think about how to tell your status and working through the outcome, your partner has only just learnt of this and will need to process it in their own time. While this shouldn’t be a thing that they need to do, the stigma around HIV unfortunately still means that people do need to do this.
Have you had any conversations around your status and explained that you cannot pass on HIV due to being undetectable? You can send him to i-base and we can answered any further questions he may have.
Hi I am HIV positive and I actually just disclosed to my partner of 7 months, he is negative I’ve actually found a way to test him before disclosing. Now the issue is I asked him where we stand after I gave him the news and his response was exactly this “ I don’t know and if you remember what I said I told you that I am not ready to act or say anything on that.” that’s all. I just want people to share how their disclosing stories went. Am so hurt and I don’t want to be forcing him and all that. I want to give him the chance to process his feelings, but the way am undetectable
Hi David, cleaning teeth does not risk HIV transmission. Please follow this link for more information: https://i-base.info/qa/factsheets/hiv-transmission-and-testing
Hi josh it is possible that you can catch the HIV from cleaning teeth from dentist?
Hi David, some patients report that being on treatment has caused their skin to darken. This is not caused by HIV, instead the treatment for HIV. Previous questions about this has been answered here: https://i-base.info/qa/803
Hi i- base team why people with HIV have a darker skin especially men?
Hi AAA, as you have had an exposure it is a good idea to take PEP. After which you can use PrEP to prevent risk of further exposure (or use a condom). It is possible to have sex and not get HIV. There are a number of factors that change this risk and this is explained here: https://i-base.info/guides/testing/risks-for-transmission
Good afternoon i-base management, I need help from this website, I’m with a girl for over two years have sex without a condom, last week I took her her for check up,I test HIV negative and she test hiv positive, is possible to have sex without a condom over two years without affecting with the virus. She didn’t know that she is hiv positive, please help me since I know she is hiv positive I start taking pep ,I should continue taking pep or I should stop it,but I didn’t know the time that she got that hiv virus,