Question
I do not want to infect my partner but do not know what to do
1 July 2008. Related: All topics, HIV transmission.
My partner who is negative and I am positive. He refuses to wear a condom because he said he doesn’t get stimulated by it. We have tried long foreplay before sex but his sex urge disappears during intecourse because of the condom. He doesn’t know I am positive and I intend to keep it that way. My viral load had been undetectable for two years plus. I do not want to infect my partner but do not know what to do. I have stopped having sex with him for now.
Answer
Thank you for your email. I am sorry you are experiencing such anxiety about your current situation. I was not clear where you were emailing from but I would like to suggest that you find out about a support group in your area and get some support on how to resolve this situation.
You could also ask to talk to a counsellor at your hospital or clinic where you go to access your treatment. Disclosing your HIV status to anyone can be challenging and the worry where an intimate partner is concerned, is that they will leave you.
It is a very personal decision and I am afraid it is down to you. But you can get some advice and support on how to deal with it.
All I can say is, if you are not being honest with your partner, you are not giving them the opprtunity to make an informed choice. You are not only putting their life at risk but you are also compromising yours. The longer you put off facing the reality of the situation, the harder it gets. Suspending sex is a temporary measure and maybe you can use this time to get some support on how to deal with the situation. All the best.