Question
What are the risks if my partner is positive?
15 December 2011. Related: All topics, HIV transmission.
My boyfriend just tested positive and I tested negative. We both are also negative for other STI’s. The doctor told us he is in great health and does not require medication at this time. However our concern is since he is not taking any medication at the moment what is the risk of me contracting the virus? How can we minimize this? His viral load ranges in 6000-6500 copies. I don’t swallow or have sex without a condom however I tend to bleed and tear inside when I’m receiving anal sex but with a condom always. I know the virus is not easy to catch but would like a more specific scenario based on the information. Thank you.
Answer
So long as your partner always uses a condom when you are having anal sex, you will not catch HIV this way. You (or he) will need to check the condom is still in place while you are having sex. As you mention that you often bleed and he is not on treatment, it would seem sensible for him to check it is still in place before he cums if he usually comes when inside you.
Condoms are very effective and efficient at stopping HIV. They are dependent on practical things though like checking they are in place and not using oil-based lube.
There is only likely to be a risk from oral sex (from you sucking him) if you have cums in your mouth or gum problems. To reduce the risk of this, it has been advice for years, not to brush your teeth for a few hours before having oral sex. Mouthwash may not be a good idea either, but gum is fine if you want minty breath.
You are right that all these risks are very low – there are lots of couple who have long relationships with partners of different HIV status without HIV transmissions, and these few cautions should protect you.
For your own health, it might be worth finding out why you bleed so easily. A GUM clinic could give you a check up and go through this with you.
Hi Samuel,
Unless there’s a risk of pregnancy or other STIs, or one of you has developed resistance to their meds, you’ll be fine to have sex without a condom.
Me an my partner tested positive, we’re now we are on meds. Is it OK for us to have sex without using condoms?
Hi Anna, sex should only be things that you enjoy. Sometimes it is good to try new things but not if you don’t want to. There is nothing wrong with sperm. Some people like the taste, others don’t. Maybe your boyfriend just has this fantasy and you can ask he does a fantasy for you in return. Sperm is supposed to contain protein but not in sufficient quantities that it is likely to be good for you. It won’t do you any harm, but only do this is you want to.
Me and my boyfriend we’re both postive, but he says I swallow his sperm, but I’m afraid, pls help is it healthy for me?
Hi, I’m sorry to hear you have had a rough time. It is likely to take time for you to understand and come to terms with your HIV status. So taking this slowly is good, but treatment means that while HIV may complicate you life, it does not mean you cannot life a full and healthy life. This includes relationships and having children if this is part of your plans. This includes relationships with people who could be HIV -positive or HIV negative. PRobably most HIV positive poeple are in relationship with HIV negative people. So don;t rule anything out or anything in! Your friend may or may not be able to deal with HIV, but many people surprise themselves when they have the chance to have accurate information. This usually involves a lot of support from the positive partner – as your experiences mean that you are likely to have more accurate information than he will. Good luck with everything.
Just found out I was HIV positive last month. I contracted the HIV from a person I was dating for 6 months. Right before I found out my status I had caught him twice walking around with another girl. I had been told by mutual friends late November he was not only seeing me and this other girl but many others. At the at moment I stopped all communication with him. 2 weeks after that I was told I got HIV in June he was the only person I was having sex with at that time. Last week I started talking to a childhood friend who does not know my status he had told me as kids growing up he always knew he would get the chance to love me someday. He lives in Florida and I live in NYC so there is no sex at this time. I am afraid that when I tell him when we see each other in person he may turn his back on me. I am hopeful that LOVE does conquer all.
Thank you and i appreciate , i am infected by unknown person and now i am suffering being alone
I really belief that love can over come anything,dating an HIV positive person is easy as dating an HIV positive person who doesnt know their status. This + persorn will protect u more than any other person. They gather information on how to protect their patners,I cant have a problem with an HIV + person. Any person have their good quality carecters,and we must alway learn and get information on HIV. If u dont know u will never understand,and u will spread wrong information. Days are gone when we knew that HIV is a killer desease,now there is hope and treatment.