Question

How can I tell my partner I am positive?

23 June 2016. Related: All topics, Disclosure, Living with HIV long-term, Sero different couples, Support.

Hi

I am in a new relationship with good plans. Now my partner wants us to move together as forward is our relationship.

We’ve been dating for three months, and we both have kids from outside relationships,

The family introduction have been done.

Now the only problem is I have never been able to talk about my HIV status to him and I am scared, as he is in a hurry for everything be in position before the upcoming festival.

He is excited for us showing up to his Mom as she’s been asking him to married. Now what can I do? The marriage plans is to do this in August according to him.

Answer

Answer: Simon Collins

Hi

Thanks for your question – and apologies for not replying earlier.

This is a question where I can’t give an answer, just make several comments and suggestions.

The first, is that you are not the first person to be in this situation.

Unless this is something you talk about when you first meet – and this definitely has advantages – then telling someone you are positive afterwards will alwasy be difficult.

However, there are many reasons why your HIV status should not make any difference – especially if you are well and on treatment.

I do not know you or your situation, but this is somethins for you and your partner to talk about. If he has already had children he might be mature and experienced enough for this to be easy. But as sometimes people react badly, it can help to try and discuss HIV without making this personla to you.

Perhaps talk about HIV when it is on the TV news, or if you see an article in the paper. Try to find out how he feels and what his experiences are. If these are generally sensible or interested, then it will be easier to talk.

If your partner really cares for you, you will find a way through this.

If your partner is not able to come to terms with this, then you are defintely better off from not getting married.

One final point is that this is about you first, then about your partner. Family pressure can be difficult enough, but it you work this out this is nothig that anyone else neds to know about – and it is none of their business.

If August is too soon for you, then say so. You can always marry later when you are sure that your partners supports all aspects fo your life.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Please don’t let anyone make you feel less that a 100% wonderful person who deserves absolutely the best in life.