Question
How do I tell my partner that I’m HIV positive?
7 November 2016. Related: CD4 and viral load, Disclosure.
I have a big problem and I need your help, I’m dating a guy who works in the government as a clinic office,but my problem is am HIV positive .I was born with it and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell him about it because have slept with him already,and it scares me a lot to tell him cos the guy seems he loves me and I love him too,plz I need your advice,what should I do? Yours faithful
Answer
Thanks for getting in touch.
I appreciate that is can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are involved in a sexual relationship with that person.
There’s never an easy way to tell people. But if you see the relationship going forward you may need to tell him. As he works in a clinic he may have a good understanding about HIV.
Have you tried introducing the topic? If you are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of transmission are close to zero. As the recent PARTNER study illustrates:
https://i-base.info/htb/30108
This is perhaps something that you could introduce to him.
Hi Sihle,
Though it may be hard for you to tell him, because you haven’t been using treatment, there’s a possibility that he may have contracted HIV from you. Therefore, its very important that he tests. He needs to test for the sake of his health.
Is there any reason why you aren’t on meds?
Hi , I’m hiv positive it’s been 2 years now and I’ve never taken treatment every since I found out , I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now and we stopped using protection 7 months ago, now I feel guilty about the whole thing and I’m scared I’d lose him if I tell him about this because we really love each other… please how do I tell him.I need ur help,
Hi Vuyo,
Are you on meds? If you are do you know if your viral load is undetectable. I’m asking because if it is then you won’t be able to transmit HIV to the guy who you’re dating. Understanding this might make it easier for you to tell him about your status.
Hi. I have recently found out that I am HIV positive . it’s been 7 months now. So I met this guys 2 months ago we were dating but nothing serious but as time goes we developed very strong feelings for each other and now he is talking about family nd im marriage. I am afraid to disclose my status because I had bad experience from my previous guy when I 1st told him about my status. So I am afraid that I might lose him
Hi Gadi,
Its common to feel like this owing to the stigma that is associated with HIV. However, its very possible to be in a relationship with someone who is negative. Though it may be hard to tell them, if you do want it to progress, telling them sooner rather than later may help. There isn’t an easy solution though.
It may help you to know that because your undetectable you can’t transmit HIV through sexual intercourse. What this means is that you’re basically no different to someone who’s negative. For more info, please see here:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
I HIV positive, been on medication for a year now. I just met this very nice guy, been dating for a couple of months know but we have been using protection because I don’t want to get him sick. My viral load is undetectable.
He now wants us to take our relationship to the next level, marriage. I haven’t told him about my status, I am very scared, I don’t want to lose him, we love each other so much. I am frustrated, I feel like just breaking up with him and just vanish because I really don’t know how to break this to him.
Please help,
Hi Andiswa,
Why aren’t you on treatment? Why didn’t you take treatment when you were pregnant? I’m asking because even if you choose not to take meds when you weren’t pregnant, you should have been on them during your pregnancies. The reason for this being that its the meds that help reduce the risk of transmission to babies.
If you haven’t taken meds during your last pregnancy, then yes its very possible that your child is now positive. However, to know for sure further tests will need to be done. How old are they?
I’m HIV positive its been 11yrs now I have 3children the last one is also Positive I’ve never been in treatment ever since I knew that I’m positive my stress is I don’t want to believe that my bby is positive I wish they can test her again
Hi Paulina,
Telling a loved one about your status can be very hard. And there’s no set way to do this. This is because we’re all different. Also how people will react will vary.
If you’re on treatment and your viral load is undetectable being able to reassure someone that the risk of transmission is close to zero may help. As too is being able to answer their questions. One of which is likely to be about life expectancy.
It may help to find out what their thoughts are about HIV.
I’m HIV positive and I haven’t told my boyfriend but I slept with him once using protection, now he want us to get tested he says he loves me and he want our relationship to be serious and I’m scared of telling him, I love him and I’m scared of losing him, plz help me