Question
How do I tell my partner that I’m HIV positive?
7 November 2016. Related: CD4 and viral load, Disclosure.
I have a big problem and I need your help, I’m dating a guy who works in the government as a clinic office,but my problem is am HIV positive .I was born with it and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell him about it because have slept with him already,and it scares me a lot to tell him cos the guy seems he loves me and I love him too,plz I need your advice,what should I do? Yours faithful
Answer
Thanks for getting in touch.
I appreciate that is can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are involved in a sexual relationship with that person.
There’s never an easy way to tell people. But if you see the relationship going forward you may need to tell him. As he works in a clinic he may have a good understanding about HIV.
Have you tried introducing the topic? If you are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of transmission are close to zero. As the recent PARTNER study illustrates:
https://i-base.info/htb/30108
This is perhaps something that you could introduce to him.
Hi Loise,
Have you told your partner about your status? If you haven’t then you might want to think about telling him. This is because there is a possibility that he too could also be positive.
I wasn’t aware that I was HIV positive till I tested so recently of which iam still shocked. Earlier before the test like two weeks ago I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend. From what I know I could have contracted the disease 3months ago. What are the chances of my boyfriend being positive? I love him so much and iam so concerned about him, I would hate to spread the disease to him. Iam still not under medication at the moment.
Hi George,
Because you are’t on medication, even if your partner has so far tested negative she is still at risk of contracting HIV from you. If you don’t want to tell her about your status, then you should be using condoms. You are risking her health by not letting her deiced if she wishes to have unprotected sex with someone who isn’t on medication.
If you were to be on meds, once your viral load become undetectable there wouldn’t be a risk. At the moment however there is.
I just came across this, I tested HIV c in 2016 Feb, but I’m not on med I’m in love with a certain lady we have had unprotected sex many times just last week she went 4 test and she rested negative, and showed me the result, can I tell her my status? I love her so much and I want to Mary her.
Hi Connie,
Ideally if you could wait until your viral load becomes undetectable that would be best. This would reduce the risk of transmission.
For how long do I have to be on medication before having baby
Hi Connie,
It can be difficult telling a partner that you’re positive, however if you see the relationship going somewhere, which it sounds like you do then it may be best to tell them the truth. This is more important if you’ve been having sex without using as condom as he will need to test.
I can’t advice you on how to do this.
We are about to marry and I have been diagnosed with HIV am scared to tell him about it though he is the only one I can trust. am really scared of loosing him.
can I start with my treatment and tell him latter?
Am really scared.
Hi Sihle,
Its common to be scared, it does however sound like you need to talk to someone. Have you thought of attending your nearest HIV support group?
If you want to have children, you’ll need to be on medication. You’ll also need to be on medication if you don’t want to transmit HIV to your boyfriend.
The reason why I don’t take medication is that I’ve never told anyone about this ever since I found out and I don’t have anyone I trust enough to talk to about this ,im only 18year old and I used to stay with friends before and I was scared of what they’d say If they found the meds in my possession , Now I recently moved in with my boyfriend and he wants to have a baby now I’m so scared I don’t know what to do ……