Question
How do I tell my partner that I’m HIV positive?
7 November 2016. Related: CD4 and viral load, Disclosure.
I have a big problem and I need your help, I’m dating a guy who works in the government as a clinic office,but my problem is am HIV positive .I was born with it and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell him about it because have slept with him already,and it scares me a lot to tell him cos the guy seems he loves me and I love him too,plz I need your advice,what should I do? Yours faithful
Answer
Thanks for getting in touch.
I appreciate that is can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are involved in a sexual relationship with that person.
There’s never an easy way to tell people. But if you see the relationship going forward you may need to tell him. As he works in a clinic he may have a good understanding about HIV.
Have you tried introducing the topic? If you are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of transmission are close to zero. As the recent PARTNER study illustrates:
https://i-base.info/htb/30108
This is perhaps something that you could introduce to him.
Hi Portia, It’s a good idea to have another test to confirm your result. You can talk to the doctor about your positive test and let them know what kind of test it was.
my boyfriend and i been having unprotected sex for the past two weeks, we have a four year old boy and he wants us to try on another baby, he tested negative yesterday and i also did mine on the side but came out positive..
im scared to tell him and also scared that i might lose him too..
please help me.
Hi Marlon,
If its true that your girlfriend is positive, if she’s on medication and her viral load is undetectable, you aren’t at any risk.
As for how you ask her about her status, I can’t really comment on this as I don’t know either of you. All I can say is, if your girlfriend is on medication she is taking control of her HIV. Try and approach the topic with care and respect.
Hi I have a problem with my girlfriend, we had unprotected sex.the problem is my sister in law saw her at clinic collecting treatment for HIV.the thing is my girlfriend ddnt tell me about this.I went at the clinic for HIV blood test and my result is negative.what to do cos I want to ask her about it.please help
Hi Ziyanda,
As the above post explains, there’s no right way to tell someone that you love about your status. For some people it comes easy, for others it can be a very stressful situation.
You have to make the decision, no one else can do this for you. However, being able to answer any possible questions that they may have could help. So life expectancy, transmission etc.
With regards to transmission, as long as you’re on meds and your viral load is undetectable you cannot transmit HIV. There’s more about this here:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
Good luck with whatever it is you deiced to do.
Hi
I am very worried I have this loving boyfriend who loves me and I also love him but the problem is how do I tell him that I am hiv positive because I dont want to lose him. we’ve had unprotectes sex just once cz im always making excuses abt having uprotected sex, he hasnt gone back for testing for this year..I am afraid if he goes there he will find out ,what should I do? He also wants a baby now this is whats holding me back.
Hello Dineo, It sounds like you’ve had a tough time. I’m sorry to hear about your nephew. It’s great that you’re not afraid of HIV. And you know that HIV positive people can now live healthy longer lives – I hope just like your Mom and Sister. Also HIV positive people who are taking meds and who are undetectable can’t transmit HIV to their partners if they don’t use condoms. Is it possible that your Mom and Sister can support you if you want to tell your boyfriend about these rumours?
hello my ex boyfriend recently told me he tested positive and he blame me for that we didn’t even tested when we first met Im not afraid my mom is positive so is my sister my nephew died long time ago what worries me is that he keeps telling people that I infected him and I don’t know how to confront him about this or how to tell my boyfriend about the rumours of this guy please help me handle this situation
Hi Seatshogeng, it sounds like you have been treated unfairly and have had a tough time. Unfortunately stigma and ignorance about HIV are still widespread. On the other hand, the benefits of treatment are slowly becoming more understood. We are likely to have similar life-expectancy and having an undetectable viral load means HIV is untransmittable. So although you had one bad reaction, your current partner might react differently and be more supportive. It would be easier to gauge his likely reaction if you see how he reacts when the news includes other HIV-related events. Perhaps reading the post and comments above will give you other ideas. Do you have other friends who have managed to do this successfully? Does your partner have friends who are positive?
I want to tell my boyfriend about my status nd it’s kinda difficult for me to do so, I once told my ex 2 years ago nd he decided to call me names and even sending me texts saying I kill people nd I’m a virus, now thinking about if not sure if want to do it again. Please advise me