Question
How do I tell my partner that I’m HIV positive?
7 November 2016. Related: CD4 and viral load, Disclosure.
I have a big problem and I need your help, I’m dating a guy who works in the government as a clinic office,but my problem is am HIV positive .I was born with it and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell him about it because have slept with him already,and it scares me a lot to tell him cos the guy seems he loves me and I love him too,plz I need your advice,what should I do? Yours faithful
Answer
Thanks for getting in touch.
I appreciate that is can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are involved in a sexual relationship with that person.
There’s never an easy way to tell people. But if you see the relationship going forward you may need to tell him. As he works in a clinic he may have a good understanding about HIV.
Have you tried introducing the topic? If you are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of transmission are close to zero. As the recent PARTNER study illustrates:
https://i-base.info/htb/30108
This is perhaps something that you could introduce to him.
Hi Samantha,
As Lisa says here, there’s never an easy way to tell your partner. But talking in general about HIV might be a good way to start the conversation. Perhaps you can find out about his feelings on HIV without telling him about yourself first. Maybe you could start that on social media if you’re both okay talking this way. But you perhaps you could get ready and prepare to start talking when you next see each other. It can depend on the way the two of have built up your relationship. So you can use your knowledge of him to decide on the best way.
Hello
Ummm i need sm help i have a boyfriend who stays in Australia but im in Zimbabwe
I dont know how to deslose to him dat im hiv positive
Please help me
Asap
Hi Tesa,
You’ve mentioned that you’re on treatment. Do you know what your viral load is? If its undetectable your partner isn’t at risk. Please see Q’s 9 and 14 here:
http://i-base.info/qa/what-are-the-most-asked-questions
If your viral load is detectable, though it may be hard to talk to your partner you’ll need to find a way to tell him. This is important as he’ll need to test.
My name is Tesa ,I am HIV positive and had unprotected sex with my partner I am very scared to tell him .I am on treatment and he is not
Hi Matiro,
Yes, it can be tough telling a partner you are HIV positive. But there’s good info above on this question already. Being undetectable is great because this will reduce the risk to your partner to zero, see this link. And now undetectable = untransmittable (U=U), all questions are answered here.
But you can also read Millie’s happy story about having a baby with a negative partner, here. I hope this can help you find a way to start the conversation with your lovely guy.
Hi my name is Matiro Im hiv positive n been knowing for more than 12 years when i was pregnant and i separated with the father of my child my child is negetive and never in a relationship since then. My viral load is unditectable and im leaving a healthy life. The thing is im scared to be in relationship with anyone and by pushing them away. The is a guy who really love me i dont know how tell him im afraid he will judge me and never speak with me even people think we are in a relationship we are very close and i took as a friend im scared lose if i disclose to him and it is killing me knowing how much he love me i keep pushing him away. All i wish is to tell him but hard i dont know how he will react i alpso love him but keep pushing him away.
Hi Charles,
The good news is you have many options! Including having children. If your partner is on HIV treatment (ART) and is undetectable, then the risk to you is zero. You can read more about U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable) here.
I have partner and she just told me she’s hiv positive. we’ve not had any sexual relationship but I love her .what options do I have?
Hi John,
Are you on HIV treatment (ART)? Being on ART and getting your viral load undetectable means you can not give your partner HIV. And being undetectable means that you can have a baby too. Here is the PARTNER study reporting zero transmissions to HIV negative partners. And in this study couples had sex without condoms more than 58,000 times. Here is the guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health. I hope all this info can help you think of ways to tell her.
Im hiv possetive man and in a very happy three month relationship and we a having unprotected sex she even want us to have a baby i realy dont want to hurt her she has been thrue a lot from her passing relationship i dont no how to tell her i dont want to loose please help.