Question
How do I tell my partner that I’m HIV positive?
7 November 2016. Related: CD4 and viral load, Disclosure.
I have a big problem and I need your help, I’m dating a guy who works in the government as a clinic office,but my problem is am HIV positive .I was born with it and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell him about it because have slept with him already,and it scares me a lot to tell him cos the guy seems he loves me and I love him too,plz I need your advice,what should I do? Yours faithful
Answer
Thanks for getting in touch.
I appreciate that is can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are involved in a sexual relationship with that person.
There’s never an easy way to tell people. But if you see the relationship going forward you may need to tell him. As he works in a clinic he may have a good understanding about HIV.
Have you tried introducing the topic? If you are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of transmission are close to zero. As the recent PARTNER study illustrates:
https://i-base.info/htb/30108
This is perhaps something that you could introduce to him.
Hi Alex,
This does sound difficult. However, HIV is often quite difficult to catch. It can depend on many factors, including luck. But, as you say, you do care about his health. So if you decide to tell him it’s a good idea to make it clear to him that you care about his health. And that’s why you’re having the discussion.
Ive had an on and off relationship with a guy, then 2 months ago I found I’m positive. I couldn’t tell him that I’m positive but had had unprotected sex with him? I’ve stopped talking to him. Please help me what do I do because I care about his health
Hi Nina,
The only way to know if you or your boyfriend are HIV positive is to take a test. However, people who are HIV negative can also get cold sores.
But it’s okay if one of you tests HIV positive while the other tests HIV negative. Please see this link to the frequently asked testing questions.
Please help me. I have been seeing this guy for 6 months now and have been sexually active. We use condoms often but not always. Although he always withdraws before he comes.
The problem is, we have not been tested together. I was last tested about a year about + and was clean.
We have spoken of getting tested but just carelessly have not gotten to it.
I may be paranoid but i have noticed things about him lately that really are causing me to be paranoid. Such as, he has broken out with cold sore on lip twice since we have been together. He also has these brown streaken nails.
I want us to be tested together. He says he has never been for a test but has always been careful until me.
Well, I am disappointed in myself for being so careless. But what i need advise on how to get him to get tested now when we have already had intercourse. Without upsetting him.
Hi Keyabetswe,
Do you have any written evidence about your status? If you do you could show your husband this.
Though difficult you cannot make someone test, nor take treatment. This is something that a person needs to do for themselves.
If he knows about your status and is insisting on not using condoms, then its his risk to take. Everyone needs to take responsibility for their sexual health.
Are you on treatment?
Am HIV positive and am married but I told him that am HIV positive and he don’t believe. he said it’s a lie .I don’t know what to do to get him tested too and start with treatment. cos he don’t believe and he don’t want to use condom with me
Hi Hlogi,
I wish that there was a simple answer to this question, however their isn’t. If you think that this is going to be a serious relationship, then telling him is probably the best thing to do. Have you thought about introducing the subject of HIV to him? This could be an indication of what his reaction maybe.
Hy My Name Is Hlogi Nd Im Hiv Positive I Recently Found A Guy So I Dnt Knw Hw To Tell Him Dat Im Hiv Positive,well He Want To Have Sex Without A Condom Nd He Want A Baby I Really Love Him Plz Help Me
Hi Mpho,
As Lisa says above, there is no easy way to tell someone you’re HIV positive. But it is great that you’ve started HIV treatment. This can stop HIV transmission once viral load is undetectable for several months.
But it’s probably not possible to say whether you were HIV positive first or not.
Hy iam mpho iam also HIV positive i hv been dating this guy 4 5months the thing is i hv only found out recently dat am hiv positive all along ive been negative so i dont knw if i found the virus through him now iam scared 2 tell him iam scared that he might say he found the virus 2 me so now iam on treatment nd he’s not nd he’s losing weight i dont knw how 2 tell him plz help