Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Adeel,
Thanks for this comment. You might like to read about Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U) at this link. I hope this can help you find a partner.
I am an hiv positive guy with undetectable status.. after reading this section and the comments , I have got hope that I can Marry one day as I really want to have a stable balance life with a partner obviously but it’s difficult to find a partner as somewhere inside I don’t want to marry a girl with negative status as I can never ever imagine to transfer the virus to anyone.. and finding a girl with hiv positive is difficult around !
Hi Hlengie,
Unfortunately this is common when someone finds out that a person is positive, they simply cannot handle it. This is a real shame.
Have you tried talking to him and explaining to him that HIV is no longer the illness it used to be. Women can have children, and have a ‘normal’ life.
As long as you’re on medication and your viral load is undetectable you cannot transmit HIV when having sex. In effect you aren’t any different to other women. If your husband knew this that may help.
Best of luck.
m stressed my husband dumped me because i found that im HIV positiv last month and he asked his lobola back plz help i realy love him
Hi everyone, I just want to share my experience with everyone.
I am HIV positive and my husband is HIV negative. We are married for eight years and we have been living together. My viral load is undetectable. We have not been using protection ever since we got married in 2010.
Every year my husband test negative even though I am positive. So it’s really true that undetectable =untransmittable.
Love and care for each other is what matters.
Hi Faustina,
If you’re on medication and your viral load is undetectable then you can have a vaginal birth. For more info re pregnancy and delivery please see here:
http://i-base.info/guides/pregnancy
We are both positive and on treatment what is the best method of delivery because am pregnant
Hi Kimberly,
A viral load of 20 is undetectable. Any viral load that’s less than 50 copies is called undetectable. And undetectable = untransmittable (U=U). You can read all about U=U here.
if a man that is negative have an unprotected sex like once in 3 months or more with a girl that is HIV postitive and shes on ARV but her load is still detected like 20 will the man be infected. Is he at risk of gettin HIV
Hi Caroline.
Please see Q’s 6, 9 and 14 here:
http://i-base.info/qa/what-are-the-most-asked-questions