Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Iaina,
Sorry i-base doesn’t have resources to answer questions about testing. But all transmission and testing questions are answered on this link http://i-base.info/qa/factsheets/hiv-transmission-and-testing
Hai is it accurate for rapid test result if a person was test negative in june last year thn in the begging of septmbr she test postive en she ws given a year without tested.
Hi Lakhan,
How are you? I hope you’re feeling okay.
But I’m not sure about your question. If you have just been diagnosed this can be a difficult time. Please take time. It is going to be okay.
Please see more about just finding out at this link. There’s a lot at the link about how we all feel when we have our diagnosis.
I am HIV positive 9 March 2019I am HIV positive 9 March 2019
Hi Sesutu,
Taking your ARVs well is the best way to stop HIV from causing damage to your immune system. ARVs reduce HIV to such tiny amounts in the blood that we can talk about HIV being undetectable.
But for nearly everyone, the HIV tests will still be HIV positive.
This is because HIV tests look for an immune response (called an antibody).
Even if there was an HIV cure – and this might be found one day – your antibody response is always likely to test HIV positive (i.e. be reactive).
You can read more at this link to another Q&A.
If I take my ARVs well will the HIV apears negative or positive. .. while you treat it
Hi Debbie,
If you’ve been having sex with a detectable viral load, there will be a risk that your partner may have contracted HIV. They are going to need to test. Were you having issue with your medication?
Hi, I was diagnosed hiv+ in 2016 and started my antiretroviral drugs I have been undetectable until January 2019 when I went to check my viral load which I was told the virus has replicated to 1100. I have had sex with my partner who is hiv neg but am scared. Could he be exposed to hiv though I was taking my drugs?
Hi George,
i-base are an organisation who work with people who are positive. We’re also an organisation that doesn’t under any circumstances accept, nor condone stigma towards people who are positive. People who are positive do not deserve to be treated any differently to people who are negative. If you can’t accept your partners status, then she’s probably best of being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t see her status as an issue.
Hello, am worried because I had a baby with a good lady on 2014 but not knowing she was hiv positive, after I found out during her pregnancy (she claims she didn’t know too) about her status I tried to be there to support her but eventually the pressure of fear got the better of me and I ended up leaving her for another lady hoping to live my life free from fear of possible hiv infection however the new lady I met in 2016 to my surprise she also living with hiv, I was so confused after discovering this and I thought of trying to stay in the relationship and be strong for her.
My concern now is that i am again starting to experience the same pressure I had in my previous relationship with my baby mama, i dont know whether to continue hunt for an hiv negative lady or just settle with this one am currently having, I do love her because she possess most qualities I admire in a woman just her status bothers me sometimes, please help, what can I do to fully accept her and move on with life.