Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Denis,
We get asked this question a lot. I wish that there was a simply answer, however there isn’t. Telling a sexual partner that you’re positive is a very personal experience and one that can be, as you know stressful. This is often due to issues around stigma.
Though it can be hard, if you do see a future with this man, then being honest is the only way to go. You may wish to ask him what he thinks about HIV and importantly what he knows about it. For instance, if you’re on medication and your viral load is undetectable you cannot transmit HIV. For a negative sexual partner this is a really important thing to know. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
What this means is that its also very possible to have children.
I am HIV positive and I want to tell my boyfriend how do I tell him because he want us to move in together and also want us to stop using protection because he want a baby and he want to pay lobola….I really want to take the next step and move in with him….how do I tell him….Please help im scared to tell him….
Hi Prec,
Yes, the good news is that this is true.
Your fiance would need to start HIV treatment (ART) and get his viral load result to under 50 copies. That means HIV is undetectable. And being undetectable means HIV cannot be transmitted even if you don’t use condoms.
Here’s more about the campaign for U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable).
my fiance was diagnosed HIV+ and I can’t imagine myself leaving him though it was a shock to us. We ve gone through different counseling about me being safe on having babies for him but then am still afraid of the future with him. I don’t want to get infected on the cause of this journey…. what do I do? is it true that I can possiblly not get infected?
Hi Banana,
Please see this Q&A. Being HIV positive should not stop you having a baby. Many sero-different couples (where one partner is positive and the other is negative), have had healthy HIV negative babies.
But it’s important you are on antiretroviral treatment (ART) with an undetectable viral load. So the HIV positive partner would need to start taking treatment. This will protect the negative partner from HIV when the viral load is undetectable.
Here’s the guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health for lots more info about having kids.
Thank you for your fruitful information,my question is what about if a man is+ and girlfriend is- is it posible for them to have kids. Wat are e methods other than low virul load. And e man has never taken an treatment before.
Hi Akojjo,
The short answer is yes, you can have a kid.
Generally, by both using HIV treatment (ART) through pregnancy and having an undetectable viral load at delivery, should mean that there is a 99% chance that the baby will not become infected with HIV.
Here’s the guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health. There’s a lot of info in this that might help you plan your wedding.
my girl friend is also postive, we met 6 years back but she doesnot want to have sex with me. i don’t care, what i want is to marry her i am less concerned of what people talk about us. but…. will she bear a kid for me? tell me please
Hi Vic,
If your partner is on medication and her viral load is undetectable they’ll be no risk. Its also safe to have kids. Please see Q’s 6, 9 and 14 here: http://i-base.info/qa/what-are-the-most-asked-questions
i have a lady who is hiv+ .we’ve been talking over the phone. we decided to meet and she told me frankly that she’s + . i love her an ready to settle with her . kindly advise me how i can live and have kids with her without being infected.