Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Phumudzo,
It’s great that you’re on HIV meds. If your viral load is undetectable, which means less that 50 copies/mL, then the risk to your partner is zero. Please see Undetectable = Untransmittable here.
Do you have access to your viral load results?
It’s great to hear that your kids are both HIV negative. However, it’s a good idea for your partner to see the doctor about the symptoms to find out what’s causing them.
Hi am hiv+ am taking my meds everyday. Am also have two kids who are both negative my problem is that my partner don’t want to test and no he is having pimples on the body. Losing weight he could be hiv+?
Hi Pradeep,
There is no reason, related to HIV, why you cannot get married. It is also common now to have children who are HIV negative.
Are you taking HIV treatment (ART)? Here’s an Introduction to ART. There’s a lot general information in this guide, I hope it’s of use.
Please let us know what ART you’re taking, along with your viral load and CD4 count results.
I am HIV positive and want to get married. Apart from my sibling, no one knows about my status. I want to get married but don’t know if I should or shouldn’t. Please advice. Thanks!
Hi Laura,
Thanks for this.
Yes, and importantly for the partner who is HIV positive, Undetectable = Untransmittable U=U.
Having an undetectable viral load on ART means that HIV cannot be passed on to your partner even if you don’t use condoms.
You can have children and you can n also remain negative as you, that is there are measures which have been put in place to maintain this, for the babies when they are born there is a drug given to them which help them not to acquire virus through breastfeeding called nevirapine. and for you, you can be introduced to PrEP an this helps a lot, I am hiv positive, my husband negative we have a eight months old girl who is also negative, don’t be confused.
Hi Lindi,
Please see this Q&A. It says, It’s very common for someone to still be negative even if they have not been using condoms with someone who is HIV positive. HIV is quite a difficult virus to catch, so your negative result is also related to good luck.
If your husband is on HIV treatment (ART) this can reduce the risk of HIV to you – to zero. Please see U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable) here.
hi I just found out that my husband is hiv positive am reaĺly confused because we have 6 months old baby am negative I have been testing every month during pregnancy even know am still negative how?
Hi Adrick,
If you’ve been taking ARVs for 6 months and your viral load is 350,000 this means that the ARVs aren’t working. You’re going to need to change medication. Please see here: http://i-base.info/guides/changing This is something that you’ll need to discuss with your doctor.
Am hiv+ and my vl is 350,000,and my cd4 is 180, I stopped my meds for a while due to heavy depression for a year but am back on my meds now, will I ever be able to get my vl down since I have sincerely been taking my meds for 6 months now