Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Moeti,
It sounds great that you have a beautiful 2 year old daughter, and you’re so happy.
But what is there to discuss? If your girlfriend is on HIV treatment (ART) and HIV is undetectable, there’s zero risk of transmission.
U=U means HIV cannot be transmitted even if you don’t use condoms.
I have been dating my gf who is + and I am – we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and we are engaged. we are so happy in our relationship but sometimes is so difficult to discuss about HIV coz I feel like ill be judging her.
Hi Precious,
If your viral load is undetectable, then he’ll be OK. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/ However, if your viral load is detectable there is a risk.
I can’t comment on your relationship, however if you think that your relationship has some sort of future you should probably tell your boyfriend about your status. However this is of course up to you to decide.
Am HIV positive and my boyfriend is HIV negative, but he doesn’t knw am HIV positive, but we have been having sex without condom, for the pass 7 months now, will him be effected too, yesterday we want for a test, but I was still hiding this,will he still love me,
Hi Lizzy,
Yes, it’s possible and many people do!
Are you HIV positive and on HIV treatment? If so, what HIV meds are you taking? Please also let us know your latest CD4 count and viral load results.
If your viral load is less than 50 copies you cannot transmit HIV to your partner, even if you don’t use condoms. Please see this link.
If a person is HIV positive, it’s possible that he/she can date a negative person
Hi Ncina,
I’m sorry it can be a shock to find out you’re HIV positive. But as Angelina says here, HIV is quite a difficult virus to catch, so your partner’s negative result is also related to good luck.
Although you’ve just found out, there is still plenty that can be done to help you have a negative baby. Have you already started HIV treatment (ART)? And do you have access to your blood test results for CD4 count and viral load?
Please let us know and also tell us what HIV meds (ARVs) you are taking.
Here’s the i-Base guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Hi am 5 month pregnant and found out that am hiv positive.my partner is hiv nagative how it is possible
Hi Melusi,
If your partner is on medication and her viral load is undetectable, there’s no risk of transmission. Please see here: Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/ What this means is that you can have sex without a condom.
Hi, I’m dating an HIV+ woman for almost year now, nevertheless we were using protection since so now I feel like I need a baby with her, so always disallowed me to have sex with her without a condom. She said she knows the pain of being HIV so she doesn’t want me to be effected. I think i should move on but i won’t be easy because i love her so much.
Any advice?