Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Petroneller,
What STD were you treated for? And what medication were you given?
Having a period for 10 days can be caused by many things.
I’ve been was positive almost two years now. My VL is undetectable and my CD4 count is above 350, I’m taking atroiza. My concern is that my partner is negative and we had unprotected sex and after that my vaginal lips became white and sore while I was on my periods for 10days.
Is it normal because my nurse told me it was just an infection and they gave me STD treatments. I’m just scared that I might have more to this.
Hi Maureen,
Because you’re undetectable the risk of your transmitting HIV to your partner is close to zero. Please see the results of the PARTNER study for more info:
http://i-base.info/qa-on-the-partner-study/
Therefore, there’s no need for your partner to take PEP.
With regards to testing, please see quesiton one here:
http://i-base.info/qa/what-are-the-most-asked-questions
Its not possible to know when someone became HIV positive through tests, and this includes CD4 counts. The only way you can know, is by thinking about possible risks that you may have taken.
Hi, ive been daignoised with HIV in 2007, im not on ARV as yet, my CD4 count is 1149 and my count is below 20, the virus is undetected..my problem is i had unprotected sex with my partner, but soon he started using prep a day after are ther any chances that he would get infected with hiv now? And we previously had oral sex, he never took prep after that oral sex im worried that he might have got infected..is there any test that can detect the virus in the body within days of having unprotected sex? Or a test that can actually detect when a person got infected with the virus? Please help.
Hi Yvonne,
If your boyfriend has an undetectable viral load then the risks of transmission are close to zero. Please see the results from the PARTNER study for more info:
http://i-base.info/qa-on-the-partner-study/
Hello I’m Yvonne recently I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend who has been taking ARVs for the past 12 years.it has been 11 days since that unprotected intercause..my question is what are my chances to be infected by someone on the meds for more than 10 years. He eats healthy and goes to gym everyday 3 hours per day. Planning to go test in 14 days but need to know my chances of either results.
Hi Candy, how are you doing? It can be tough when you are first diagnosed. Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? If not, please write back if you have other questions. You can’t test someone else without them knowing. This is not ethical. How do you think your partner will react if you talk to him?
Hi ,please how can i get my fiance to test for HIV without him suspecting anything? i tested positive recently. Please help me, I am so confused. Thanks
Hi Segolious, you have a lots of things going on at the same time. This must seem like a difficult time. It might be good to look at each of these issues separately in order to feel more in control of each one. HIV comes with lots of issues but treatment is incredibly effective – both for your health and your baby.
This means you can also take time is deciding who and when to tell others, including your parents. When you do this, you might be supporting them with information. Or perhaps your parents already have good knowledge and experience of HIV and they can help now rather than you having to do this by yourself. Talking to your doctor, a friend or counsellor might help you with the issues of talking to your family.
Once all these things are starting to be easier, you are likely to be in a better place to look at partners and relationships.
I cannot explain your previous boyfriend’s reaction. Many people – especially men – and in huge denial about HIV – whether or not they are positive themselves.
I hope things work out well for you – and we are always here if you want to write back about how things are going.
I went to clinic just to prepare for my pregncy and I discoverd that I m positive and I m rili scared to tell my parents and I thnk my boy friend knws dat I got infected as he left me aftr knwng dat I m pregnt pls help me. I m also looking for a partner and for life time.