Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Kimm6,
Have you tried introducing the subject of HIV into conversation? This may help you to understand what his thoughts are. Also are you on medication? If you are and your viral load is undetectable, then you’d be able to tell him that the risk of transmission is close to zero.
I’ve met a guy that I have fallen in love with he loves me too. I haven’t told him that I’m HIV positive. I’m really afraid that I will loose him if I do .. We haven’t slept together. I always say I’m busy or tired …. and this is breaking me apart … what do I do?
I don’t think it is good to discriminate HIV positive people because they are like us it just that they are infected and for their partners if they love them then they must accept
Hi Elle,
Dating when positive can be difficult, and this is because of the stigma that’s associated with HIV. It is however possible, its just a case of meeting the right person. Rejection though can be hard to deal with.
In time it should get better. Are you on meds?
I feel it is very difficult to open up to your partner because you fear that they will instantly reject you thereafter. Education is the only chance we have at beating stigma. Until then it’s very difficult to be in this type of relationship. I almost haven’t dated at all since my diagnosis a year ago.
Hi Ocatvia,
There isn’t any evidence that shows how many people infect their partners knowingly. However, this is not to say that it doesn’t happen.
Fear of disclosure is a reality for many people who are living with HIV. And telling a sexual partner can be a difficult experience.
With regards to your question, what is needed is education, education, education. The more people who know that the risk of transmission is close to zero once a person has an undetectable viral load the better. This though isn’t an easy task owning to stigma and cultural attitudes. It is though possible because many people are in sero different relationships.
Many people who are positive ends up infecting their partners because they fear to be rejected after opening up. Most people still are confused or lacks knowledge about this disease. Instead of supporting and appreciating them, we discriminate them. What can be done to convince HIV negative people that as long as someone in on medication that they are OK?
Hi Prashant,
We get asked this a lot. Therefore, please see here:
http://i-base.info/qa/?s=life+expectancy
I’m 26 and positive, how long will I live for?
Yaa i think you all need to be faithfull to your partners ,,its better for them to know but same time in the fear that they will victimize us