Question
Why do I get rejected when I’m honest about my HIV status?
1 February 2012. Related: All topics, Disclosure, Newly diagnosed, Sero different couples.
I got tested for hiv and it was positive. I was told i have to be honest to my partner but I was rejected by him. Then I met another boyfriend and my first boyfriend told him about my status. How can you be honest when you keep on being rejected every time?
Answer
I’m sorry to hear about your situation but it is still good that you were open about your HIV status.
It takes courage and strength to tell your potential partners. Unfortunately, some people do not value this honesty. This is due to lack of knowledge and understanding about HIV.
On the one hand many negative people expect positive people to disclose but this just becomes less likely when some of these people have no respect if you do this.
This person should be ashamed of themselves and what they have done and you are better not having them as a friend.
Sadly, we live in a world where most people are not that well informed about HIV. Stigma still exists, but it is changing. A lot of advocates, activists and governments from across the world are tackling this issue to reduce the stigma of HIV. And partly this can only be done by HIV positive people treating HIV as an ordinary part of life.
Many HIV positive people have a healthy and loving relationship with HIV negative people. They are known as sero different couples (where one partner is positive and the other is negative).
Although my circumstances may be different to yours I am in one of these couples. My boyfriend has been positive for 12 years and I’m negative. I’m only using myself as an example to let you know that you can develop a good and loving relationship, regardless of your HIV status.
Please don’t be down-hearted about what has happened but use it to make yourself stronger.
Hello Susan and thanks for getting in touch.
I am very sorry to hear you are experiencing all this bad behaviour.
I feel you are a very brave and honest person and well done for discussing your status with your partner.
I am more worried about you, though, as I feel this relationship is not supportive and your partner is not kind to you.
You deserve love, support and care from your partner Susan, don’t settle for someone who doesn’t know and doesn’t want to learn about HIV and how you have protected him by being undetectable.
I hope you will find someone who can be truly by your side, appreciate your honesty and bravery and support you as you deserve
Please feel free to stay in touch.
I told him I was positive few days ago
Now he is not talking or replying my messages
We have been together for four months now
I always make sure I use protection
But we went raw one day due to his pressure which am no happy about
Now he has found out and he is calling me wicked and heartless…
I had to tell him because I can’t hold on any more.i told him I was undetectable ..
I feel things are crashing
Hi Vonne, thanks – and I am sorry you are having a rough time. i-Base provides information rather than advice, and this includes the U=U means your means protect your partner:
https://i-base.info/qa/11844
Also, that you partner can also use PrEP if he wants to be responsible for his own health:
https://i-base.info/qa/11844
Sometiimes it takes a while for people to realise that each of these options are based on very good research and science. People hearing this for the first time need time to become up to date and so I hope this is what happens in your situation :)
My partner and I have been dating for almost three months and I disclosed my status.
He told me it’s a lot for him to take in , he says he loves me and I’m the next best thing that has ever happened to him but he does not know what his decision will be on whether to continue with the relationship or not
I told him if he has any questions he should feel free to ask but says he knows all about HIV
I then told him I understand and gave him space.
He came back next day saying the virus is an issue and I got mad because I know it doesn’t define me. We got into a heated argument with words and he said I’m inconsiderate
I tried to make peace the following day and suggested we end things and he said he loves me and he can’t just break things off
I had already prepared myself mentally that we might break up and even told him I wouldn’t hold anything against him
Your advise will be appreciated