Question
How can I tell my partner I am positive?
23 June 2016. Related: All topics, Disclosure, Living with HIV long-term, Sero different couples, Support.
Hi
I am in a new relationship with good plans. Now my partner wants us to move together as forward is our relationship.
We’ve been dating for three months, and we both have kids from outside relationships,
The family introduction have been done.
Now the only problem is I have never been able to talk about my HIV status to him and I am scared, as he is in a hurry for everything be in position before the upcoming festival.
He is excited for us showing up to his Mom as she’s been asking him to married. Now what can I do? The marriage plans is to do this in August according to him.
Answer
Hi
Thanks for your question – and apologies for not replying earlier.
This is a question where I can’t give an answer, just make several comments and suggestions.
The first, is that you are not the first person to be in this situation.
Unless this is something you talk about when you first meet – and this definitely has advantages – then telling someone you are positive afterwards will alwasy be difficult.
However, there are many reasons why your HIV status should not make any difference – especially if you are well and on treatment.
I do not know you or your situation, but this is somethins for you and your partner to talk about. If he has already had children he might be mature and experienced enough for this to be easy. But as sometimes people react badly, it can help to try and discuss HIV without making this personla to you.
Perhaps talk about HIV when it is on the TV news, or if you see an article in the paper. Try to find out how he feels and what his experiences are. If these are generally sensible or interested, then it will be easier to talk.
If your partner really cares for you, you will find a way through this.
If your partner is not able to come to terms with this, then you are defintely better off from not getting married.
One final point is that this is about you first, then about your partner. Family pressure can be difficult enough, but it you work this out this is nothig that anyone else neds to know about – and it is none of their business.
If August is too soon for you, then say so. You can always marry later when you are sure that your partners supports all aspects fo your life.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Please don’t let anyone make you feel less that a 100% wonderful person who deserves absolutely the best in life.
Hi Eve, the fact your are still at this distance might be easier than if you were already together. I don’t know enough about your situation to know what will happen though or what is right for you. If he is really serious, then you could say you have something serious you need to talk about. You can do this knowing about how treatment also protects him. Some people would be opten to this and might already know about it. Anyone who is not open to learning though is perhaps not someone you want to spend your life with.
Hi, i met this Turkish man on one of the dating sites. He is very seroius about this relationship that he wants to come and marry me. I dont know how to tell him that am hiv+. I woudnt want him to come and find out when he is here. I would rather tell him before he comes. But how do i start? Do you think he can still marry me despite my status?
It’s good that the two of you are talking about this. But how is your girlfriend? Is she taking HIV treatment (ART)? What does the clinic say?
HIV cannot be transmitted if she is on ART and has an undetectable viral load, even if you don’t use condoms.
My girlfriend, we are in love together for past 3 month. We have having sex together. Later early this year 2019 she told me, she is HIV positive. And when we had sex together I never use condom.pls can I do?
Hi, If your partner is on HIV treatment and has an undetectable viral load the risk of transmission is close to zero. You can read more about the PARTNER study here.
I really want to know that what must i do becouse i slept with my partner and she didnt tell me that she is positive and she take the pills so i want to know what is going to happen to me now