Q and A

Question

How do I tell my partner that I’m HIV positive?

I have a big problem and I need your help, I’m dating a guy who works in the government as a clinic office,but my problem is am HIV positive .I was born with it and I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to tell him about it because have slept with him already,and it scares me a lot to tell him cos the guy seems he loves me and I love him too,plz I need your advice,what should I do? Yours faithful

Answer

Thanks for getting in touch.

I appreciate that is can be hard to tell someone that you love about your HIV. More so if you are involved in a sexual relationship with that person.

There’s never an easy way to tell people. But if you see the relationship going forward you may need to tell him. As he works in a clinic he may have a good understanding about HIV.

Have you tried introducing the topic? If you are on treatment and have an undetectable viral load, then the risk of transmission are close to zero. As the recent PARTNER study illustrates:
https://i-base.info/htb/30108

This is perhaps something that you could introduce to him.

81 comments

  1. Roy Trevelion

    Hi Jozzie,

    Telling someone you love about your HIV can be tough.

    But can you tell me if you have been taking HIV treatment (ART)? If you are on ART and have an undetectable viral load you cannot transmit HIV, even if you don’t use condoms. So HIV positive women can conceive naturally. Being undetectable while pregnant can dramatically reduce the risk of HIV to your baby to close to zero.

    I’m not sure if you mean your partner is HIV positive too. So here’s a link to Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U).

    Please let me know what ART meds you are taking. And what are your CD4 count and viral load results? Please let us know.

    Here’s the guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.

  2. Jozzie

    Hello my name is jozzie I’m a young lady of 23 years and my CD4 count may be low and I infected my partner thing is he wants to have a baby with me but he just doesn’t know about me being positive, and I really want to tell him please help me on how to break the news to him

  3. Roy Trevelion

    Hi Suzan,

    Please see this Q&A for websites to meet other HIV positive people. Plase read the check list if you are new to meeting people on the internet.

  4. Suzan

    Am suzan! From Uganda.. am seriously searching for a partner who is HIV positive,am 26 years

  5. Lisa Thorley

    Hi Yvette,

    This isn’t really something that we can help with. However, if you love this man, then being honesty is really the only way to go. However he may be hurt due to you lying to him. Joking about HIV is something that people may not find funny.

    You said you’ve been having sex for a year. If your viral load is undetectable then there isn’t any risk. If however its detectable he’s going to need to test.

  6. Yvette

    Hi am Yvette ,am HIV positive and am dating this guy who loves me and I love him too so much my problem is that am afraid of losing him cause I love him and the other thing is that I have been sleeping with him for over a year now , when I told him he asked me why me meaning why did I do this to him and I thought I was losing him so I changed my mind and told him that I was just joking around with him to see his reactions,but I really want him to know but I can’t what should I do,advice me please.

  7. Lisa Thorley

    Hi Amahle,

    Firstly, your partner isn’t at risk of contracting HIV, so this isn’t something that you need to be worried about. The reason for this, is due to your viral load being undetectable. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/

    With regards to telling him, I really can’t tell you what to do. People react to the news that a partner is positive in different ways, some get it, others don’t. Discussing HIV and what it means to be positive may help. However, you know him best.

  8. Amahle

    Hi my name is Amahle im HIV positive and my partner doesnt know about it.I tried to tell him to use condom but he refused saying he trust me.I slept with him already an ive been on the ARV for more than 10 years and my viral load is undetactable.hewant to marry me and im lucky because he said he doesny want kids anymore beacuse he got 5 kids from previous relationship.My problem is how do i tell him about my status.Must i kept quiet and be suprice with the results the day we go for testing i must i tell him before?

  9. Roy Trevelion

    Hi Puni,

    Please see this Q&A about websites to meet other HIV positive people.

    The community forums at poz.com include a personals section that has free registration and many thousands of international users. This might be a good place to start.

  10. puni

    Hi my name is puni m HIV positive I am tired of positive and negative relationships I want a positive partner to get married and have kids together am a lady from Botswana.

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