Q and A

Question

How can I tell my partner after 3 months that I’m positive?

i’m HIV positive and it been 10 years now i have a baby girl which is negative.

i didn’t planned to have unprotected sex with that guy because i ddnt disclose my status. But one day he insisted to have sex and there were no condoms than i agreed i got preg. I took meds during my pregnancy thats why my baby is ok.

I dated another guy he works in hospital labs i told him i thought he would understand but he didn’t and after 2 months he left me.

Now I’ve been in a relationship for 3 months and he wants to settle down. He wants to get married but i haven’t told him about my status. Now I am scared as I don’t want to loose him. I also don’t want to break his heart hes been a lot already.

I tried telling him over weekend but i couldn’t, please help.

Answer

Thanks for getting in touch.

Telling someone you’re positive, as you know can be hard. Some people understand, whereas other do not.

Maybe see how he reacts in a general conversation – not about you but maybe a friend or someone in the news. Then based on their response decide based on your instinct.┬áIf you think he’ll understand then tell him.

Being able to answer questions that he might have may help. For example, he may ask if he’s at risk. If you’re on medication and your viral load is undetectable, then you can them him this.

Many people are still frightened about HIV and don’t know the treatment prevents any risk. Please Google U=U for more info on this.

Hopefully he will also ask how you feel and how you manage this. About you about your quality of life. If you can share with him what you know about HIV that might help.

On our site we have a lot of useful info.

26 comments

  1. Lisa Thorley

    Hi Mellisa,

    The HIV aside, if he’s cheating on you, you need to ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship with this man. Don’t just stay with him because he’s said he’ll love you. There will be others who will accept your status.

  2. Mellisa

    Hie I’m HIV positive for 13yrs n l told my boyfriend about my status ……he agree to love me……….since then he started to cheat on me . what should l do please help me

  3. Lisa Thorley

    Hi Hlawutelo,

    With regards to risk, as long as your viral load is undetectable, there’s no risk. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/ If you’ve been positive since birth, I’m assuming that you’re on medication and that your HIV is under control.

    As for this man, I’m going to be frank, if this man forced you into having sex with him, under no circumstances should you be concerned about his welfare. If anything, if he forced you to have sex, this is something that needs to be reported as no one has the right to force someone into having sex. You need to ask yourself, is this the type of person you want in your life?

  4. Hlawutelo

    I’m 20 now and I was born with HIV. I have a boyfriend who slept with me forcefully and I did tell him about my status because it was too soon, I didn’t trust him enough to I was still a virgin before I slept with him . He slept with me without a condom and now I’m feeling bad for him because I don’t know how he’s going to take it nor do I know if my HIV is at that stage of infecting someone. I really don’t know what to do

  5. Lisa Thorley

    Hi Sarah,

    As I don’t know you, nor your partner it’s very hard to comment. However, it sounds like you need to talk to your partner. Ask him why he thought it was appropriate to take a video of your meds and ask him what he’s intending to do with the video. Depending on where you live you may be able to report this to the police. However, it will all depend on what it is that he’s intending to do. To be clear no one has the right to make you feel worried about your status becoming public. My personal opinion is that you may wish to reassess your relationship.

  6. Sarah

    Hey I’m HIV positive im on medication I didn’t tell my partner he find my medication in my handbag and he take a video, he didn’t ask me any thing I’m afraid to tell him and I’m just felling sad he might show the video to his friend to tell them that I’m HIV positive.

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