Q and A

Question

How can I tell my partner after 3 months that I’m positive?

i’m HIV positive and it been 10 years now i have a baby girl which is negative.

i didn’t planned to have unprotected sex with that guy because i ddnt disclose my status. But one day he insisted to have sex and there were no condoms than i agreed i got preg. I took meds during my pregnancy thats why my baby is ok.

I dated another guy he works in hospital labs i told him i thought he would understand but he didn’t and after 2 months he left me.

Now I’ve been in a relationship for 3 months and he wants to settle down. He wants to get married but i haven’t told him about my status. Now I am scared as I don’t want to loose him. I also don’t want to break his heart hes been a lot already.

I tried telling him over weekend but i couldn’t, please help.

Answer

Thanks for getting in touch.

Telling someone you’re positive, as you know can be hard. Some people understand, whereas other do not.

Maybe see how he reacts in a general conversation – not about you but maybe a friend or someone in the news. Then based on their response decide based on your instinct. If you think he’ll understand then tell him.

Being able to answer questions that he might have may help. For example, he may ask if he’s at risk. If you’re on medication and your viral load is undetectable, then you can them him this.

Many people are still frightened about HIV and don’t know the treatment prevents any risk. Please Google U=U for more info on this.

Hopefully he will also ask how you feel and how you manage this. About you about your quality of life. If you can share with him what you know about HIV that might help.

On our site we have a lot of useful info.

32 comments

  1. Lisa Thorley

    Hi Precious,

    If your viral load is undetectable, there’s no risk, please see here:
    https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/

    However, if you asked your boyfriend to wear a condom, then he should have warn one. Ignoring your wishes is a violation.

    With regards to telling him about your status, if you think he might reject you due to your status, you might want to reflect on your relationship with this man. Being positive shouldn’t be an issue.

  2. Precious

    Hi my name is precious I am HIV+ I met my boyfriend recently so yesterday he was drunk we had sex without condom but I insisted he wears a condom but he went ahead without it and I haven’t told him about my HIV status please help me what can I do he doesn’t want anything to do with me and I love him

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