Q and A

Question

Can positive people marry and have a family?

I’m positive, whereas my partner is negative, can we marry and have a family? Will I be negative if I take medication?

Answer

Thanks for getting in touch.

If you want to get married as well as have children, then yes, you can. Your HIV shouldn’t be a barrier to this. HIV is now easy to control and once on effective treatment, and your viral load is undetectable you can’t transmit HIV to a sexual partner. Please see here:  https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/  Therefore you can have kids.

As you’re interested in having a child, you may find the following helpful: https://i-base.info/guides/pregnancy

With regards to becoming negative, your HIV is controlled by taking ARVs.  If you were to stop taking meds, your viral load would rebound and your HIV would no longer be under control.

8 comments

  1. Roy Trevelion

    Hi Angela,

    Oral sex is generally a low risk activity. It is likely to be zero in most circumstances.

    It can depend on some factors. For full info please see this link https://i-base.info/guides/testing/oral-sex

  2. Angela

    Thank you
    I heard that some one can transimite HIV through oral sex is this true.?

  3. Roy Trevelion

    Dear Zina,

    I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve put both your comments together here.

    First I’d like to say that I’m sorry to hear your story. It sounds really tough. But you are doing all you can, so well done.

    You’ve been on ART since 2007. So you’re undetectable and you have a strong CD4 count. And you are right about not infecting anyone because U=U.

    It sounds like you have a good idea about telling someone you’re positive at an early stage of relationship. It can be difficult if we delay telling our new partner. Please use all the info on the U=U link above. This can help make it easier to discuss.

    You can also look at this page about how we all feel when we’ve just found out we’re HIV positive. It might be that our partners go through the same thoughts when we tell them we’re positive. So this info might help you explain too.

    If you’re thinking of having children, please see this guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health. The benefits of ARVs are not just to your own health. Treating your HIV will reduce the risk of your baby becoming HIV positive to almost zero.

    Good luck and best wishes, Roy

  4. Zina

    Zina
    Kindly help me iam on Art since 2007 and my Cd4 is 800 now I’m undetectable status. My sister disclosed my status to her friends everytime iam topic to pple it destroyed my relationships and it hard for me to date again because friends will go and tell boyfriend that iam taking Arvs pls help me how I’m gonna tell someone at early stage of relationship

    Once I’ve being honest I lost that relationship but I’m 1000 I’m no longer infected anyone I was dating a guy for 6yrs we slept without condom since and he was not infected because I was taking medication proper but he was not aware but now since I’m afraid of disclosing my status I preferred to keep it secrets and take medication

  5. Lisa Thorley

    Hi Sarah,

    Drug resistance usually happens when someone doesn’t adhere to their medication, therefore as long as you both adhere to your meds then you’ll be fine. As you’re both on medication, you don’t really need to use condoms as you’re protected by the ARVs.

  6. Sarah

    If the couple is both on ARV’s but do not use a condom, will they both become resistant to the meds their taking?

  7. Roy Trevelion

    Hi Nama,

    The aim of taking ART is to get your viral load to below 50 copies/mL. This is called being undetectable.

    The good news is that being undetectable means HIV can not be transmitted. That’s even if you don’t use condoms. Please see Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U) here.

    If you are undetectable on ARVs you can’t pass on HIV. So you can’t pass on resistance.

  8. Nama

    If someone is hiv-and got infected by someone who is on haart does that person becomes resistant to ARVS.

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