Question
Should I worry when my boyfriend gets ill even though I am undetectable?
24 December 2022. Related: Adherence, All topics, HIV transmission, Support.
Hi, I have been living with HIV and undetectable for two years now. My boyfriend and I have been unprotected sex for months and he doesn’t know my HIV status because I felt it was safe since I’m detectable.
Now I can’t help but worried because he has had flu issues throughout the year but he was never seriously ill. Now he is having heart problems and that is stressing me out although sometimes I am confident that I didn’t not infect him because I have been undetectable and my VL was less than 20 copies in June this year.
Answer
Hi there
Thanks for your Q and for letting us post the answer online.
It is clear you are very carfeul and protective of your partner and that he is very lucky. I hope that over time he is able to be as loving and considerate if you do ever need to talk about HIV. Also, if you were only diagnosed two years ago, this is all still relatively new to you. Although you must be much stronger now than when you were first diagnosed, you must still be aware of HIV a lot of the time.
Even with only these few details, your partner is not at risk from your HIV. Having an undetectable viral load for two years means you don’t need to worry about this. Especially as this was confirmed in June.
So long as you keep carefully taking your meds, your viral load will stay undetectable. This based on leading scientific studies by experts in HIV,
Your boyfriends health is separate and independent of you. This is true for common things like colds, flu m headaches and COVID – and also for health related to his diet and exercise levels – or even his sexual health.
Knowing the risk is of HIV from you is ZERO means you have time to think about if you do decide to talk about HIV in the future – if this is something you want to do. On the one hand, he is not at risk so doesn’t need to know. But on the other, I worry that this might be causing you stress and worry.
It is also good to use the time be prepared in case he finds out somehow – ie maybe finding your medicines etc.
If this happens you can be confident and strong. You can say that you are actively protecting him by being on treatment and that he is a ZERO risk because you are careful and the science proves this.
This link has more information:
https://i-base.info/u-equals-u
best wishes for the holidays and New Year.
Simon