Question
I have a wife and family but feel hopeless after learning I have HIV
25 June 2023. Related: All topics, Newly diagnosed, Starting treatment, Support.
Maybe ending everything is the only solution.
I have been diagnosed with HIV, I had one and only one exposure. With bad counsel from friends and with the influence of alcohol, I didn’t realize that the condom broke. I have a 3 month old and a very very loving wife.
CD4 count -523
How to regain to life? How can I inform my wife? I just can’t forgive myself? I just saw dark everywhere. There is nothing left for me in this world.
Answer
Hi there,
Thanks for writing and for letting us post the answer online.
I am really sorry to hear your news. I know it can be very difficult to find out you are living with HIV. Everyone is knocked by this news and feels uncertain about their future. Although things seem bleak now, there are lots of ways to move forwards and you have so much to live for.
HIV treatment – called ART – is now really effective and easy to take. It will mean you can live a normal life with your wife and baby. Everything you wanted to do before, you can still do now. Please don’t worry about the way you became positive. These things just happen and are very common, and it is good that you tested early and can now use treatment.
Your CD4 count is still very strong, which shows you have a good immune system.
Did the clinic tell you the results of your viral load blood test? Once you start treatment this will become so low it will be undetectable. At this level, the meds will also protect your wife. However, until viral load is undetectable, you need to use a condom with your partner. Or make an excuse to not have sex.
I can tell from your email that you love your wife and child and that your family is so important to you. This is why you will find a way through this. Slowly things will become easier.
I can’t give advice about to tell your partner. Different people do this in different ways, sometimes it is better for you to learn the latest information about HIV so you can explain this to your partner.
Has your doctor talked about treatment yet? You didn’t say which country you are in but everyone now routinely starts treatment.
Please talk to your clinic about how you feel. Talking to a counsellor or health adviser is important and can really help.
I have been living with HIV for over thirty years. I have been on treatment for twenty-five years and I promise you, it does get much easier.
Please let me know if you have other questions.
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