Question
I just started ART but my partner doesn’t know…
14 April 2024. Related: All topics, Sero different couples, Starting treatment, Support.
Hi I just found out that I’m HIV positive and I’ve been testing negative the past few months and I’ve started my medication yesterday and my boyfriend doesn’t know yet and he never likes protected sex.
Answer
Hi there
Thanks for your questions.
It is good that you have now started treatment and I hope this is going well.
There isn’t an easy answer about talking to your partner though, because you know him and how he might react. If this is just about using condoms though, then after your viral load becomes undetectable, this will also protect your partner even without condoms.
Has your partner tested recently and is there a chance he might already be HIV positive too? Just that he doesn’t want to know about this?
If you haven’t been routinely using condoms then the risk to your partner will now be going down each week until you become undetectable.
You partner should really have an HIV test though in case he is already positive.
Hi Martha, thanks. This sounds like you were not expecting this result so you must still be in shock – and this usually takes a while as you learn more about HIV and treatment. The treatment is very good and will let you lead a normal life and also protect your partner if your boyfriend is HIV negative.
This is a big question though because if he is also HIV positive he will need to find out (if he doesn’t know already). If he is negative, then this might change your relationship, at least in terms of haw you protect each other during sex. If you have been together for a long time, then this makes it likely you could both be HIV positive, but he might still be negative.
Some partners can be very calm in this situation, focussing on how you move forward together. Other people can react badly, even if they are actually HIV positive themselves from before you both met. Men can invest all osrts of stories to cover up that they are in denial.
My main concern though is for you and to male sure you are ok. It would be good to know your CD4 count and viral load and whether the clinic has offered you treatment. Once your viral load is undetectable on treatment, the meds also protect your partner, but you need to be undetectable first.
Because I don’t know anything about your situation, please speak to a counsellor or health advisor to get good support about the different choices you have and to help you over the next few weeks and months.
Hi I tested yesterday and they found me HIV positive my boyfriend he doesn’t know I don’t know how will I tell him
Hi Siyanda. [lease contact your clinic to explain this. Although PrEP will give some protection, this will be less than if you had taken the double dose before sex. As you partner could still have a detectable viral load, the slinic might srill recommend PEP.
Hello
I started my Prep double dose 2-1-1 at 2 hours AFTER sex. My partner is HIV positive, and she only started her ART about 15 days ago. Clinic gave me Prep and they gave her HIV medication, but 1 week of Prep I very sick so I stopped taking Prep on pill 4 about 3 weeks ago.
Will being 2 hours late on starting double dose Prep still work?
OR Do I need to start PEP? I am still within a day of exposure typing this.