Question
I’m negative and my wife is positive – how do I cope sexually?
13 February 2012. Related: All topics, HIV transmission, Sero different couples.
My wife is HIV positive, I am negative. How do I cope sexually. Should we just stop it all together? Every time I have a go (with or without a condom), I am scared.
Answer
There are plenty of couples who are in a similar situation to you and your wife. Where one is partner positive and the other is negative it is called being ‘sero different’. You can continue to have a good and healthy relationship for many years.
Please can you also take a look at this page and the information on sero different couples and risk.
It is advisable that you should use protection during sex. This is because a very small amount of the virus is present in the vaginal fluids.
HIV is not an easy virus to catch. The risk of catching HIV depends on several factors. Knowing these factors can help you to understand how HIV is transmitted and minimize the risks. You can find all the information in this guide: HIV testing and risks of sexual transmission.
Can I ask if your wife is on treatment at the moment? Being on treatment reduces the rate of transmission by 96% and with a good adherence; her viral load should be at ‘undetectable’ level – below 50 copies.
Finally, does your wife have any support at the moment? Getting support from your local support group or a counsellor can help her to come to terms living with HIV. She will also be able to gain and share experiences with others who are in the similar situation as her, rather than having to deal with it in isolation. You might find it helpful getting support for yourself and also as a couple too.
Hi Jackie,
HIV treatment (ART) today is safe and effective. But being HIV positive can still be difficult.
The new drugs really work and fewer people now get AIDS. But it’s important that you are taking ART. This can help keep your immune system strong, and can help stop you getting ill. You can talk to the doctor about any AIDS symptoms that you have, and ask for treatment for these.
Are you on treatment, and do you have support for this?
Do you live in South Africa? The largest HIV positive support organisation in South Africa is Treatment Action Campaign (TAC). They were responsible for the drive to make HIV drugs available in SA.
The main office is in Cape Town, but there are support groups and branches across the country, including in Jo’burg.
http://www.tac.org.za/contact
You can find out more information about ART here.
I was HIV for 7 years without a clue I already gave it to my husband when I began losing weight before learning it was AIDS. My husband knew the risk I took getting HIV was higher but in the heat of the moment nothing else mattered to me.
Hi,
If you have been having sex without a condom it is a good idea to get tested. You may not be positive, but if you are it is better to know. The sooner you do the better. If you are positive knowing earlier and starting treatment can really help. This might prevent you getting ill in the way you describe at all.
My wife tested positive in 2013 and I was HIV negative. I tested again after 2 months and i was still negative. It’s been 3 years now since I tested and I am strong and healthy. I am afraid to go and test again. I don’t know whether to go for a test or not to or wait until I see some symptoms on my body.
Hi,
Please have a look at our FAQs page for couples where one person is positive and the other negative, and let me know if you have any questions.
I have similar problem, my wife is hiv + while am -, we tested last two weeks after the birth of our first baby. Am afraid would i get infected in the future? How would i cope sexualy am afraid.
Hi Laura,
The level of risk will depend on whether your boyfriend has an undetectable viral load or not. It can take between 3 months and a year on treatment to achieve this. In the UK people have their viral load checked regularly but this isn’t available in all countries. Do you know if your boyfriend has this test done?
My boyfriend is hiv in i not but he take his pills in we have sex can i get HIV to please get back at me
Tonie,
There is no way to know when your wife was infected. That is not a soap story- it is fact. Please see these previous questions from couples in this situation, and this question about understanding when somebody was infected.
I am married 5 years with my wife. She is HIV + and I am -. we tested at the same time. We are already involved sexually for 8 years. how is that possible? Please tell me the FACTS not soap stories. Did she get it while we were married or?