Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hello Evans and thanks for getting in touch
People living with HIV with undetectable viral load cannot pass on HIV to their sexual partners.
They can also have HIV-free kids
You can read more about this here:
https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
The fact your partner revealed her status to you is a sign she really cares for you, trusts you and values your relationship
It sounds like you found an amazing woman to be with and enjoy a very caring relationship
You can go ahead and enjoy sexual relations but also have HIV-free kids together
Whether her age is going to be an obstacle or not that shouldn’t bother you so much
The important thing is finding a person you can grow old with well.
The important thing is that she loves you and you love her.
Everything else comes in time.
Congratulations
I so much love my woman but as we are making arrangements for our marriage itwas found out that she is positive and 45 years in age. I wanted to go on with the marriage proposal but the issue is that can she conceive while on ART despite her age.?
What are the measure I should put in place to avoid being infected despite zero viral load. Also she don’t like sex as observed and I want to make a proposal bcoz I so much love her and I want kids. Advise pls.
Thank
Hello Solo and thanks for getting in touch
People living with HIV with undetectable viral load cannot pass on HIV to their sexual partners.
They can also have HIV-free kids
You can read more about this here:
https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
The fact your partner revealed her status to you is a sign she really cares for you, trusts you and values your relationship
It sounds like you found an amazing woman to be with and enjoy a very caring relationship
You can go ahead and enjoy sexual relations but also have HIV-free kids together
All she needs to do is to take her pills so that her viral load is undetectable
You don’t need to do something if she is undetectable.
Congratulations
Hi am Hiv negative and my partner is positive. We ve been dating for couple of month’s now. We ve never been intimate. She resently revealed her status to me. The problem I ve fallen deeply in love with her. So the is no going back now. All I see is the future
What measurements can I take. To avoid being infected.
Thank you
Hello Samuel and thanks for getting in touch.
I can’t understand for sure but from your message I am under the impression your baby is HIV – free.
People living with HIV on effective treatment cannot pass on HIV to their sexual partners and their unborn children.
You can read more here: https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
You also don’t mention if you are living with HIV too, I guess not.
I understand you concern and possibly your shock, however, imagine what this woman went through for the months you kept away while she had the baby growing inside her.
It’s good you recognise your responsibility to your baby.
If you believe going back can provide your partner and your baby safety, support and care, a loving environment and build a beautiful family then yes definitely go back and try to work things out.
My girlfriend is HIV positive
She found out during a check up when she’ was pregnant at 5 months and since then we’re not leaving together at the same home but I love her so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with her…but at the general hospital the nurse told me about 8 months when she was on her meds that’s is already indicated and my new born also was negative
Should I marry her or leave her
But I don’t want someone to train my son for me or suffering my son