Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hello Rachael and thanks for getting in touch.
You sound very worried but please don’t be.
HIV is an absolutely manageable condition today. The people living with HIV can have a full, active, healthy life.
Your girlfriend needs to connect to a clinic.
The doctors there will offer her options for treatment and further management.
A person living with HIV on effective treatment (viral load under 200 copies/mml) cannot pass on HIV to their sexual partners and can have HIV-free kids. Please read more here:https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
When your girlfriend starts her treatment she will not be able to pass on HIV to her boyfriend or children.
And yes, of course she can get married and have kids.
You can contact us at:questions@i-base.org.uk
Please I need help. My girlfriend is HIV positive and her man is negative. Which medication can she take? How can I contact you?
Hello Fik and thanks for getting in touch
Congratulations on your relationship. You guys sound like a great couple.
A person living with HIV on effective treatment (viral load under 200 copies/mml) cannot pass on HIV to their sexual partners and can have HIV-free kids. Please read more here:https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
When your girlfriend starts her treatment you will not be at risk.
And yes, of course you can get married and have kids.
My girl friend tested positive and I tested negative. We have spent much time discussing marriage. Can we proceed with marriage and have kids? Am I at risk of catching HIV?
Hi Davine, you are very wrong to interpret your partner’s results in this way. Many couples have sex without condoms for years without both becoming positive. This is the time when you should be trusting and supporting your partner during a very difficult and frightening time. You have just been very lucky ib staying negative. HIV is a difficult virus to catch with each risk sometimes being less that 1 in 1000 or even lower.
Please support each other dueing this time when you should both be focussing on your new family.
Hi my pregnant partner tested hiv positive and i tested negetive…is that mean im not the father of the unborn baby??is that mean my partner is pregnant of someone who’s also hiv positive…please help
Hello Andiswa and thank you for the question.
Congratulations for having such a good relationship and considering having a baby.
As long as you are on ARVs and undetectable (your viral load is under 200 copies) you cannot pass HIV to your sexual partner or your child.
So the answer is you can have sex without a condom and get pregnant without any problems for your partner or your unborn child as long as you take your medication.
You don’t need to worry – just enjoy your relationship and the process of getting pregnant.
It might be a good idea to discuss this with your clinic too as they can offer support and possibly change your medication to some that we have more experience on in pregnancy.
Hey there I’m also HIV positive and my boyfriend is negative. We want to have a child and I’m taking my medicine since I heard that I’m postive. Can I have a child with him and his not gonna get affected? Please help
Hello Prince and thank you for the message.
It is because you went immediately on medication that your girlfriend is negative.
A positive result is followed with another confirmatory test, a viral load test and a CD4 count test.
Then people are started on medication.
Have you had those? If yes then you are living with HIV.
That means that your tests will never be negative again.
We also know today that if you are living with HIV and take your medication as your doctor said then you cannot pass HIV to your sexual partners.
Have you heard about that? It’s called U=U and you can read more about it here:
https://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
I was tested hiv positive but I went on medication immediately. My ex girlfriend is still negative after 6 months. I’m just thinking if I’m negative