Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Lorette,
There is no risk of transmitting HIV if you used a condom. Even if you didn’t use a condom the risk would be close to zero because your viral load is undetectable. Please don’t worry, and direct your partner to our testing guide if he is concerned.
Hello. I’m HIV positive with a CD4 of 800 and undetectable. I had protected sex with a guy and told him later about my diagnosis. Now he is so upset, saying his immune is not good because he has hepatitis b and d. He is so scared of getting the disease. Please help me. What are his chances of getting HIV? If there’s, what to do to prevent him from getting it? Because it’s still early. Thanks for for your help
Hi Emmanuel,
We get a lot of questions from people who are confused about why their partner is HIV+ and they are not. Please follow this link to our FAQs page on this topic. Have a look at the questions here, and let me know if you need any further information!
Hi doc, I met my gf in university when I was in part 3 and she is part 1. We live together while in school,We had unprotected sex for a year after she told me she is + . I tested 3weeks later after the last exposure it came bck negative,I did another test 3 mnths later it came back negative,and another 6 mnths later it came back negative and the last one I did was 9 mnths later it also came back negative. Am scared and I dnt want to leave her. And worried why on earth I do not get this virus . Can we have baby that will not have the virus.
Hi Harmony,
Being HIV positive shouldn’t stop you getting married or doing any of the things you would have done if you were negative. Have you told this man about your HIV?
I am HIV positive and i am on drugs. My CD4 is very high the last time i checked, it was (1180) and i have somebody in my life and the both of us are madly in love with each other. Though we have not had sex since we met because we are far apart. But he is coming back soon and has proposed to marry me. What should i do?
Hi Tshepo,
I’m very pleased to hear you have met the woman you want to marry! The question above deals with a very similar situation. For more information about how to have children without being infected please see our pregnancy guide. For more information about how HIV is and is not transmitted please see our guide to testing and transmission.
Hi
I met the lady who is hiv positive.she truly and honestly told me about her status even before i asked/gone further.I love that woman and i wish she can be my wife but i dont know how to handle things and have a child without infecting me.
Dear Simon
It is good that your have met the woman you want to marry. I am sorry that she has tested HIV positive. It is also good that you love and want to be with her. Many people in sero-different relationships (where one is HIV positive and the other is not), continue to have fulfilling sexually active lives.
I can appreciate that it not easy for you to use condoms. This is not uncommon. Many men in your situation whereby they are using condoms for the first time, find that it can take some time before they get used to using them.
Condoms come in different sizes, shapes, colours and flavours. However, they all offer excellent protection against HIV. The best way to find out which ones you should use it to try the different types and make a decision as to which ones you and your girlfriend prefer.
For more information on testing and transmission, please follow this link to our guide to HIV testing and the risks of sexual transmission.
http://i-base.info/guides/testing/how-can-my-partner-test-positive-and-i-test-negative
Hi I have a problem. I have met the woman I want to marry. Since we meet last year in October,but the very bad thing we done is,We used to have unprotected sex for couple months then we decided to get married. But I said that before we do everything we must go for an HIV test.We tested and we found that she is HIV positive and I am negative.I was used to testing every month since I had unprotected sex with her. My results were always said negative.I love her but I now use condoms. However, I no longer enjoy sex because when I use a condom we have sex for more than 1hour 30minutes.Please help I don’t know whether Iam positive or negative and what kind of condom I should use because when I condomise I am not enjoying sex.