Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
hi im hiv positive bt undetacted status and my partner is negative,my worry is, i never tell him that im positive im hiding my treatment and the worse part he is a nurse, should i be worried?
Hi Anele,
If your viral load is less than 50, so undetectable there isn’t any risk that you can transmit HIV to him. For more info, please see here:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
If you’re think that this relationship will last, then you might want to tell him about your status.
Hi iam HIV positive and my partner is negative ,we are so in love for a year now we ve been using protection since but m scared to tell him that m positive now he want us to have a child, pls help cos he want to Mary me, my question is :is he gonna b safe if we try to have without protection, but my viral load is less than 10 pls help!!!!
Hi Rahil, thanks for writing. Your experience is shared with many other people, so you are not on your own.
I also have to start by saying that I don’t have an easy answer for your situation. I do not know you or your family – or the likely reaction from your future partner. However, if you have an undetectable viral load on effective HIV treatment does mean that your partner would be protected from HIV. This is relatively new so you might have more information (see link below) that even your doctor.
The evidence for U=U – selected key studies from 20 years of accumulating evidence:
http://i-base.info/the-evidence-for-uu-selected-key-studies-from-20-years-of-accumulating-evidence/
Ideally, you will develop a close relationship with a future partner where you can discuss this. Then your partner would be able to support you over your health.
Effective treatment also means you can safely have a family, without your wife or children being at risk for HIV.
The best place to start is to probably readers much as you can about this and then speak to your doctor. It might be that your doctor could them help explain this to your partner in the future.
I am HIV positive and taking my ART since when I got to know. I m single but I have family pressure to get married. I don’t want to marry someone without telling my status. I have not shared my status in my family because they r not much literate and they will be shattered. In this situation what should I do. How can I get marry a girl without sharing my status. I don’t know what would be consequences if share my status with family. Please help me to come out from this dilemma.
Hi Herbert,
Its fine to have sex without a condom, your CD4 won’t be effected.
We are both on treatment so we agree to have unprotected sex so they any problem on our cd4 account?
Hi Mahlodi,
Please see Q6 here:
http://i-base.info/qa/what-are-the-most-asked-questions
And the following link:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
Hi my husband is positive and am nagative it is possible for us to have kids without me getting infected
Hi Favour,
ARVs should be taken daily, this is even when you’re on your period.