Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi just found a few weeks ago about my status, not sure how I’m supposed to feel or worse not even sure how I got this virus, The 3 guys that I was sexually intimate with are negative, or say this. First one we dated 3 years ago for almost 3 years we had unprotected sex. Guy number two was about a year and a half ago we used protection exept for oral sex. Guy 3 we had protected sex only oral was unprotected and he went in for like 3 seconds before he put the condom on is that enough for me to contract the virus? I haven’t been sexually active since then.
Also wanted to find out that maybe my viral load would have been undetectable if I wasn’t on any treatment? Could I have contracted HIV 6 years ago and not been sexually active for 2 years then when I meet guy number one he never contracted the HIV?
Hi Manoj,
If you were having sex with your wife before you knew about your status without using a condom, then yes there is a risk. Therefore, she will need to test. Though this may be a difficult conversation to have, she needs to know for the sake of her own health. If she isn’t positive then as soon as your viral load becomes undetectable you could then revert back to having sex without using a condom.
Before I found out I was positive I’d been having sex with my wife. I’m yet to tell her about my status. Is she at risk?
Hi Suraj, it is great that you have found a partner who you want to marry and have a child with. Please talk to your doctor about how you feel. If you start HIV treatment, your viral load will become undetectable. Having viral load this low will protect your wife and also mean you can have a baby without worrying about HIV. See this link for more information – though it is a long article:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
Easier information is at this link – see questions 6 and 9:
http://i-base.info/qa/what-are-the-most-asked-questions
Hi
My name is Suraj I am hiv positive my CD4 count is below 500 i want to marry my girl friend and till now we did not had sex coz of me… but she doesn’t know about this but she will support me if she nos about my hiv… We want to marry in 2018 she and both of the familys are ready to do marriage to both of us but once I get married if I want to have a baby what should I want to protect my wife and my baby… without passing on the HIV… how should i plan for my baby? we just need 1 baby in our life and i love lot my GF Plz give answer to this…
Hi Neli,
If your girlfriend is on medication for her HIV and her viral load is undetectable then there isn’t any risk of you contracting HIV. For more info please see here:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
If her viral load is detectable, you’ll need to use condoms when having sex.
i am 32 years,i am hiv negative my girlfriend is hiv positive.I want to marry her next year.What must do to protect myself?
Hi Bio,
I’m sorry to hear that your boyfriend isn’t able to accept your status. Though this may be a difficult time, what’s important is thinking about yourself and the health of your baby. This is something that you’re clearly doing as you’re taking meds.
I just disclosed my status to my boyfriend but it’s unfortunate he sees no future in us I really love him and am also expecting a baby girl am taking my med everyday
Hi Vish,
If your viral load is undetectable your partner isn’t at risk. For more info, please see here:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
If however you see a future with this person then you may want to talk to them about your status.