Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
My boyfriend is hiv+ and I am hiv- he’s taking he’s med regularly I am also taking truvada. We are not using protection am I at high risk?
Hi Zwakele,
Telling someone you’re positive can be difficult for most people. But you could talk in a general way about HIV first, just to find out what your girlfriend thinks about it. Her answers might help you to start the conversation about yourself. Here’s more about this subject.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 weeks. We have not had sex yet. I want to tell her that I am HIV + but I don’t know how to start the discussion. We go to the same church and I’m running a business. I’m scared that if I tell her she will leave me and I might be exposed if she doesn’t take it well since I’m running a business and the congregation might know my status.
Please help
Hi Priscilla,
If you are taking HIV meds and you’re undetectable you can’t pass HIV to your boyfriend. But have already spoken to your boyfriend about being positive? It sounds like you have because you both don’t want to take chances. However, you can talk to your doctor about treatment for the warts. Perhaps you could both go to your doctor and ask about them?
hi I ma HIV positive with HPV i have boyfriend who is HIV negative we haven’t had sex yet and i really do what to make love to him but m afraid what he will say as soon as he see that i have genital warts. is it safe for me to make love with him and if i do will i infect him. we are both scared of taking chances i really don’t know what to do i don’t want to loose him.
Hi Dan,
Trivens is a generic version of Atripla. It is perfectly safe to take when pregnant. For more pregnancy info please see here:
http://i-base.info/guides/pregnancy
Until your wives viral load becomes undetectable, you should use condoms.Even if so far you’ve been OK, there is a risk of transmission when a persons viral load is detectable.
Hi my wife is HIV+ with cd4 below 300 & I am HIV- and we are 6 months preggies. We went to the Dr and prescribed Trivens for her but on the instrution paper is wriiten do not use when pregnant. Can she stop after giving birth and also not breast feeding again what is the risk of me contracting it as her cd4 is so low?
Hi Justice,
If your partner is on medication and has a low viral load, so less than 50, you aren’t at any risk of contracting HIV. For more info, please see here:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
I am marrying my lady by March. We ‘ve not had sex. What medical steps do I take to protect myself and ‘ve children.
She is hiv+ but with low viral load. She takes her meds religiously
We are based on Nigeria
Hi Success, most people never know for sure how and when they became HIV positive. Also, several studies have show that someone’s guess s often wrong. Instead, it is more positive and practical to look forwards rather than back. More than 35 million people are living with HIV, usually because we were getting on with life and were just unlucky. Moving forwards, you can know that modern meds are so effective that you can lead a long and normal life, doing everything you planned before you found out you are positive. I promise that t does get easier.