Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hey,I met my boyfriend in 2016 and we started being sexual active later that year. when we were having sex,we were using a condom until one day he took it off saying he wants to impregnate me..so from that day we stopped using protection until one time when I visited him I saw an empty container of pills written Tribuss,I then researched about the pills and that is when I realized they are ARCs,I confronted him and he denied!!!!!As time goes by I start seeing couple of container that he removed the sticker and they are pink pill written D100,I confronted him again he said it’s for psychological suffering. I then decided to test for hiv and my results came negative after months of having unprotected sex with him.I’m confused because I thought I’m hiv positive.please help
Hi Latis,
Thanks for sharing your experience.
If you’re on medication and your viral load is undetectable, you don’t need to use condoms. This may help your partner. Please see here for more info:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
Hi keoratile, seems we are in the same position, my partner is negative and I am positive, got to know about my status when I went for prenatal clinic, we were scared but with time it’s becoming easier on us, though we use condoms I can tell he is not comfortable still
Hi Keoratile, It’s great that your partner is taking ARVs. Being on ARVs and undetectable means that HIV can’t be transmitted. Here is the PARTNER study showing that couples had sex without condoms more than 58,000 times when the HIV positive partner had an undetectable viral load. There was not a single case of HIV transmission.
Hi I’m scared to be intimate with my HIV positive partner as im scared I might get infected even when we use condom I don’t enjoy because im scared it might burst. She does take her ARV meds how can I be sure I will be safe with her? She loves me and I love her too but her status makes me uncomfortable.
Hi Tunde,
Yes, when you’re undetectable HIV is untransmittable. It’s great you’re thinking of having a baby. You can both read more about having a baby here.
am HIV undetected, and have been on the HIV drug for 5 years now and there is a lady I want to married ,I want to knw if I make love with her, hope she will not contact this virus because I want a baby.
Hi Marcus,
Once your girlfriends viral load becomes undetectable there won’t be any risk of transmission. Until this happens there will be a risk, so you’ll need to use condoms.
hello! my girlfriend is HIV+ and I’m not she just started her treatment and I want a child which is something she also want, her CD4 is lower than 190 can i have sex with her and not getting infected
Hi Sim,
If your partner is on meds and his viral load is undetectable, then no you aren’t at risk. Please see the following:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
If his viral load is undetectable, you also don’t need to be on PrEP.