Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
hay gayz IM HIV positive and i take my ARVS the think is my boyfriend his HIV negative but he know about that and he love me more my problem is he want to marry me and a child idont what i saporse to do.help
Hi Thando,
Is your partner aware that you’re positive? If they are and they are still insisting on not using a condom, then if they contract HIV, its their responsibility and not yours. If they aren’t aware of your status, then until your viral load become undetectable, you’ll need to use condoms. If you don’t there is a risk that he will contract HIV from you.
What’s of real importance here, is your CD4 count, its very low. If you aren’t already on medication you’ll need to start, and as soon as possible. You should also be receiving specialist care and following the advice that’s here:
http://i-base.info/qa/4643
Your priority should be your health.
my cd4 count is 4 and my partner is HIV negative BT he duz not want to use condom..wat my cd4 be if I don’t want him to be infected without using a protection
Hi Walen,
A viral load of 24 is great. Anything under 50 is undetectable. Yes, you can have a marriage and children just like people who are HIV negative. Being undetectable means you can not transmit HIV. So HIV positive people don’t consider themselves infected now, because if undetectable you are not infectious. The answer to your problem is here U=U. This means undetectable = untransmittable. So HIV transmission does not occur when viral load is undetectable on ART.
I have been on Arv treatment for the last four years and my last viral load was 24. Just five weeks ago I did the latest viral load and am waiting for results come next visit.
Also I’m a single young man and I’m bit worried whether I’ll be eligible just like the unifected for a proper but normal marriage?
Can you help find an answer to my problem that has been haunting me for the last few years.
Hi Miss Conscience,
If you’re husband is negative, this would imply that you were positive before you entered into a sexual relationship with him. Could this be possible?
I’m HIV positive and My husband and father to my kids aged 8 and 5 is HIV negative.it sound like a mystery and for the past year I’ve been trying to figure how this is possible and till today I don’t have an answer
Hi Metse, Did you start ART in February? It can usually take longer than a month to get undetecable. But you can talk to the doctor about how many months you’ve been pregnant and about getting undetectable soon. You can contact the Treatment Action Campaign for support so that you and your baby can get the best treatment.
Just found out that am HIV positive CD4 was 51 and today they told me the viral load is 525. Is this means am gonna pass virus to my unborn baby? Am taking my ART everyday never skip 1 day since February
Hi Thato,
Tribuss is used by people who are positive, it isn’t used for mental health issues.
If your boyfriend is positive, which it sounds like he might be, the reason why you won’t have contracted HIV is because he’s on medication. This is because when someone in on ARVs and their viral load is undetectable they cannot transmit HIV. If however his viral load is detectable, then so far you’ve been lucky.