Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hello please my girl is HIV patient and am not but I used protection to sex her any tine we meet but yet still havnt do any blood test either I have get some or not but I want to no if I can get some as am using protection of condom
Hi Pretty,
A CD4 count tells you how strong your immune system is. A very low CD4 count can mean that you are at increased risk of infections.
A CD4 count can be one of the tests that HIV positive people have done. The other main test is for viral load which measures the amount of HIV in the blood.
I want to ask if someone tells you that his or her cd4 count I very low, that does it mean that the person is hiv positive or what?
Hi Sim.
When someone is on treatment and their viral load is undetectable they cannot transmit HIV. Therefore, if this is the case with your girlfriend, this would explain why you are negative. For more info, please see Q14 here:
http://i-base.info/qa/what-are-the-most-asked-questions
my girlfriend and i have been sleeping together without a condom for 4 years on aprile this year she told me that shes hiv positive since then,so nevously i went to the clinic ,got tested and came out hiv negative.is it because shes on treatmen or i was lucky???
Hi Nel,
Its possible that your CD4 drop could just be a CD4 blip. Therefore, if its possible then you should have this rechecked.
A CD4 drop doesn’t necessarily mean that your viral load has increased. However to know this for sure you’ll need your viral load tested. Viral load testing is available in Johannesburg, so you should be able to have this tested.
If your viral load is undetectable, which in theory it should be if you’ve been on meds for more than 3 months, and you haven’t had any issues. Then you cannot transmit HIV to your partner. Please see the following:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
What this means is that your partner wouldn’t need to use PrEP.
If however you think that PrEP is the way forward, then I’d ask your consultant about access. They will be able to tell you.
Hi there.
I am HIV and i am gay. I found out my CD4 count has decreased. I didnt know about this viral load thing so i wanna ask if theres a relationship between it and cd4 , basically does the decrease of the one necessarily mean there also a decrease in the other.
Another question is that im based in johannesburg in parktown and i want to know since im staying full time with my partner who is committed and supportive ,is it possible for him to also get prep on a regular basis and if so can we be recommended where he can get it from
Hi Lungile,
As long as you’re on medication and your viral load is undetectable there’s no reason why you can’t try for a child the natural way. This is because when someone has an undetectable viral they cannot transmit HIV through sexual intercourse. Please see here:
http://i-base.info/htb/32308
I have been diagnosed with HIV but my boyfriend is healthy and he is supportive but now he wants a child what the right thing to do?
Hi Eliza,
It’s great that your boyfriend loves you and wants to marry. So if you’re taking ARVs and your viral load is undetectable you can say ‘yes’ and have a child. HIV cannot be transmitted if you are undetectable and have sex without a condom. The risk to your boyfriend is zero. And many HIV positive women around the world have had healthy HIV negative babies. Here’s the guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.