Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Can you tell me what is life expectancy of HIV patient without any treatment?
Dear Blake,
Yes, you cannot catch HIV from a mosquito bite. You can read about other ways that HIV is not transmitted here.
I went to a concert about 6 weeks ago and when I was outside I squashed a mosquito on my hand and it’s blood splattered everywhere. I spent a week worrying that a mosquito could give you HIV until I found out that it actually can’t. Every since then the thought of HIV has been in the back of my head and my OCD is driving me crazy. I am 19 years old, have never had sex and I have never used needles for any reason. But every time I get a slight headache or a stomachache I worry that some how I came in contact with someone’s HIV infected blood. I guess I’m just looking for reassurance but anything would help. Thank you.
Hi Michael,
HIV shouldn’t be a reason why you leave your girlfriend. People all over the world are in relationships with people who are positive and its not an issue. She needs support, not stigma. She should start medication. Once she’s on medication and her viral load becomes undetectable she’s no different to someone who is negative. This is because her HIV will be under control and she won’t be able to transmit HIV.
I have been with my girl friend for three years. We have been dating in a distance. I know her pretty well, but due to distance we don’t really make love and kisses. Just few days ago, she told me she had been feeling very weak so she went for a check up. She was told she has HIV that has been in her blood for almost 3-4 years and now the symptoms are showing. She told me she was with a guy before she met me and that guy infected her without her awareness. Now with this news on my mind, I am very perplexed as to what to do with her now. She asked me if I was leaving her and I told her I would give her a response later. I have been searching for articles on the internet about living with HIV patients and hopefully I found this article. Please any advice for me will help a lot. Because I feel if I leave her now, she will be disappointed ever…
Hi Noe.
Given that your viral load is very high this could be a resent infection. However, its not possible for me nor anyone else to say for sure. As you need to think about any risks that you’ve had, please see here:
http://i-base.info/qa/12828
If you’re positive, then yes its very possible that your partner is also positive. He should test.
Reinfection isn’t something that is common, and there’s a chance that if he’s positive that you have the same strain.
Have you had your child tested?
I have 2 questions…. I discovered I was positive about 2 months back. My viral load was 3.7 million, my cd4 count was 480 when i was diagnosed. Is it possible to tell when I was infected. I have a 13 month baby and i did hiv tests when I was pregnant which my gynea said she would call me if anything was wrong…. She didn’t. Now my baby is not on any medication and he looks well. .. Could he be infected? I am in a fairly new relationship about 4 months old and told my partner after was diagnosed but he does not want to get tested… I am on trivenz have never missed a dose should I worry about being re-infected or my viral load not going down if he is also positive.
Hi Rita,
If your partner is on medication and their viral load is undetectable, there isn’t any risk. Please see Q’s 9 and 14 here:
http://i-base.info/qa/what-are-the-most-asked-questions
Is your partners viral load undetectable? If its not, then yes there is a risk that you will contract HIV. Therefore you should be using condoms.
I have been dating this man for two years and some moneths and he is HIV positive and i keep on testing negative.Am now 4 months pregnant for him.Is there any chance that i will be positive some day??
Hi Sylvester,
Please see Q’s 1, 9 and 14 here:
http://i-base.info/qa/what-are-the-most-asked-questions
You cannot contract HIV when kissing someone.