Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
hl my name is Sylvester im HIV negative i am dating the girl she is positive and she is the virgin so she told me her mom infected her she told me all the story now im realy scared to break her virgin i realy love her and im very young im 21yr old n sh z 18yr old i want to know if i sleep with her i wil be infected even now i fear to kiss her cause she told me her secret
Hi Candy,
Here’s a link to a guide on the accuracy of tests. You can talk to your doctor about the test you had to confirm the positive result.
Before starting HIV treatment (ART) other tests, such as viral load and CD4 count, are taken to help you decide about starting treatment. There’s much more info in this Introduction to ART.
I tested posirice on 3 quick tests then did an Elisa test that also came out positive…I recently had flu vaccination and read somewhere that they cause crop reactive antibodies that may cause a false positive result…does this confirm my status or should I wait a bit before taking treatment? What happens if I start taking treatment and later find that I actually am not positive? What is the best test to take to determine my status?what are the chances of it actually being a false positive?
Hi Percy,
If you are HIV positive and taking HIV medication (called ART) your viral load can be reduced to such tiny amounts that the blood test result is called undetectable. Being undetectable means that you cannot transmit HIV even without using condoms. Here is more info about U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable).
hi my name is Percy and I also have a question as well…..so I’m dating this gal she is a virgin nd also HIV postive nd now she wants me to take her virginity….now here is the big question.. how do I take her virginity with getting infected…. nd yes I really do love her nd I would lyk to marry her someday…nd we have been dating for almost a year now
Hi Cristine,
Please see this similar question here. If you keep testing negative then you are not living with HIV. But if you have symptoms like these you need to see your doctor to find out what’s causing them.
hi everyone .one and half year ago i had high risk exposure after in same month i got sick and found rashes all over my back not on neck and chest side.After one year rashes vanished but in same month i got sick and still i am not feeling good i lost 6kgs ,sore throat still i have,bumps on extreme back of my tongue,white tongue and gums.I tested for hiv and syphilis four times ,antibodies and antigen all tests came back negative.
Hi Kezian,
HIV is quite a difficult virus to catch. And so testing negative can be due to many reasons, including luck. But how are you Kezian? Are you on HIV treatment (ART)? How’s it going?
Hi am 22 yrs and was found to be positive when I was 18 yrs. Since my childhood i have never had sex and the first sex I had was after being tasted positive though my mom passed away due to labour pain after undergoing surgery. So that day when I was tasted my dad was also tasted positive and they had to taste every member of our family… Surprisingly my step mom was negative and also my young step brothers from another mom was negative and again a brother and sister from another different mom tasted nagative. How is it possible?
Hi Mdu,
It’s great that you love and support your wife. It’s important that you’re supporting her on HIV treatment too. That’s because if your wife’s viral load is undetectable the HIV risk to you is zero even if you don’t use condoms. There’s more info here about U=U (undetectable=untransmittable).