Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi André,
I’m sorry, your story sounds very sad. What country do you live in? There should be support groups and help for you. Sometimes this can be through the clinic, or sometimes through community organisations. And what meds are you taking? Please let us know.
I have been HIV positive for over 26 years…and have lived a very lonely life.
I have nobody. I’m stuck in a little harsh religious town. I’ve gone straight and would love to have a girlfriend. How on earth do we find and meet people withour being financially exploited or tricked?
Hi Tandi,
Please see this Q&A on why did my partner test positive when I tested negative. So you can see, it’s quite difficult to catch HIV.
Are you on HIV treatment (ART)? ART can stop HIV transmission even if you don’t use condoms. Please see undetectable = untransmittable (U=U).
I’m HIV positive my boyfriend is still negative we had relationship for 9 years I found last year October he asked me where did I get it
Hi Ipeleng,
It’s great that your partner has started meds. This can get a person’s viral load to undetectable quickly. And after several months it means that HIV cannot be transmitted even if you don’t use condoms. Please see U=U here.
However, we are not doctors at i-Base. So if you’ve had tonsilitis and an enlarged lymph node it’s a good idea to ask the doctor about it.
My partner test positive and mine was negative. We had unprotected sex about 3 time but I tested negative. My partner started her medication after she knew that she’s HIV positive. 2 months later I had tonsils and went to my local clinic and tested before I start tonsils medication, 1 week later I had lymph node under my chin and went to my local clinic. The nurse told me I have tonsillitis lymph node, I have too much saliva and sometimes my ear become painful and still have that lymph node I can feel it when I press my head down but normally I can feel that lymph node.
Since we knew our status we have been using condom everytime we have sex.
What may be the cause of my lymph node?
Hi Nothando,
This is possible if a person has an undetectable viral load, please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
Hi
I’d like to know if it’s possible to have unprotected sex with a negative person whilst you positive and not infect that person.
Hi Rachel,
No its not risky. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
M 38 years old m HIV positive my boyfriend is negative we planning to have future and we do unprotected sex my viral load is 40 cds309 is that risky