Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Thulani,
Coming to terms with your status can be hard, it is however possible. Are you able to get some support? This could be from a HIV support group or maybe even a professional.
Its not possible for me to say how you contracted HIV. Has your wife tested since you were diagnosed?
I am 40 years man.I am hiv positive I found out last in June.2018 as.soon as I found out I went to my doctor ,so I started taking ARV ,by the way I am married I got 4 kid’s ,the thing is I cannot accept it I keep on asking my self how I contracted it ,I tried commit suicide several times it is killing me everyday ,I never cheated on.my wife may she cheated I do not know please help
Hi Teecee
Your child is not going to catch HIV because you are HIV negative. If the mother is not HIV positive then a child isn’t at risk.
Please use condoms for penetrative sex until your husbands has an undetectable viral load from being on HIV treatment. This usually takes about three months after he starts treatment.
You con’t catch HIV from giving your husband a blow job.
Hi my husband is hiv positive and im negetive. We just go for test on the 15 january 2019 this year and found that. So im scared to do blow job during sex maybe I might catch the virus. And now we r using condoms. My other question is can I continuer breast feeding my baby? Or I should use infant for the baby.?
Hi Willem.
You don’t need to do anything because there isn’t any risk. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
HI, I have an HIV positive patner she has been taking her medication since she found out she was positive and her viral load is undetectable, so we want to have unprotected sex but I need to understand what do I do the following days, just to be on the safe side if we have unprotected sex.
Hi Sam,
The good news is that your viral load is undetectable. Being undetectable is anywhere under 50 copies. And when you’re undetectable you cannot transmit HIV even if you don’t use condoms.
Using condoms is safe even before you started treatment. They are very effective so long as they are used in the right way every time.
But after your viral load has been undetectable for a month or two, your treatment is working as “safe sex” – even if you don’t use condoms or if a condom breaks. Having an undetectable viral load stops transmission better than condoms.
There’s more about Undetectable = Untransmittable here.
So staying undetectable means that you can enjoy sex with your girlfriend without worrying about HIV.
morning I have a problem Iam hiv positive my girlfriend she negative so we still not have sex for the first time and my viral load is less than 35 and we want have sex first time enjoying our sexual life whn get married can it be possible for her to not have hiv
Hi Love lovea,
Please can you send more info? I’m not sure what your question means.
Can’t understand if too negative and one feel sick