Question
I am HIV negative, my girlfriend is positive. Can we have a baby?
15 January 2017. Related: All topics, Pregnancy, Sero different couples.
I’m currently dating this woman who has HIV and hepatitis B. She didn’t
tell me she had this. We didn’t have sex as she didn’t want to.
So a couple months went by. We were at her house. Then she told me she had HIV and hepatitis B. I didn’t know what to say or do. She takes care of herself by taking her meds and eats right.
She says her count is low. I still don’t know what that means. But anyways, I’ve grown to love and want a future with her.
We had sex a few times after she told me. I used protection. But I love this woman. And I want to marry her someday. And have kids with her.
She had boyfriends before we met and they never got infected.
My question is. Her count is low and if don’t use protection can I get infected. And what about the day I marry her and we want to have kids?
How do we make this happen without me getting infected?
I really love this woman. Please help I’m confused.
Answer
Firstly it is really good that you love and support and want to start a family with your girlfriend. Modern HIV treatment means this is all easy to do.
Many sero-different couples (where one is HIV positive and the other is not) decide to do have children and their partners and babies are HIV negative.
Can you please confirm whether you were referring to her CD4 count or her viral load.
CD4 and viral load tests are tests that are used to monitor the health of people living with HIV. CD4 tests measure a person’s immune system. Results are usually given as cells (per cubic mm). Above 500 is considered normal, but above 350 is still very good.
Viral load tests tell you how much virus there is in your body. If someone is on treatment, viral load tests also show how well the treatment is working. The aim of treatment is to get the viral load to undetectable (below 50 copies). If therefore you were referring to your girlfriend as having an undetectable viral load, then this is good.
You mention that your girlfriend is taking meds. Are you referring to ARVs (antiretroviral treatment for HIV)? Being on treatment and having an undetectable viral load dramatically reduces the chance of your girlfriend passing HIV onto you.
In response to your question, it is possible for you and your girlfriend to have a baby without you catching HIV. There are a number of options available to couples like you.
The simplest option is just to conceive normally. In your partner has an undetectable viral load, you will not be at risk. This article explains why U=U (undetectable viral load = untransmittable HIV).
https://i-base.info/htb/32308
As with any planned pregnancy it is good to talk to your doctor for best ways to conceive. For example knowing the best times. Ovulation takes place in the middle of her monthly cycle, about 14 days before her period.
For more information please follow this link to our guide to HIV pregnancy and women’s health.
Your girlfriend may also find it helpful to read the guide as it answers a lot of general questions around HIV and pregnancy.
Good luck with your future plans.
The information in this answer was updated in January 2017 from a post in March 2012. Please see: Question 6 at this link for more information.
Hi Olivia,
Are you taking HIV meds? I’m not sure about your question. Please can you let us know more?
im hiv positive for 8 years and my boy frind tested negetive we now have 1 year children sametimes he dont want to use condom but i told him the same day i tested positive
Hi Xty,
Its great that your partner is understanding, this is how it should be. Are you on medication? If you are and your viral load is undetectable then there isn’t any risk of you transmitting HIV to him. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
Iam HIV+ woman in a relationship with a guy that is negetive, after opening up to him all he said was i stilk love you n i will stand by you and build my future with you. Im scare i dont want to get him infected as he is talking about making babies. Pls advice is seriously needed.
Hi Lebo,
During the time that you were in a relationship with your partner were you on medication? If you were and your viral load is/was undetectable then your partner won’t have been at risk. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/
What this means is that you can have sex without a condom if you choose too.
With regards to telling your partner, this isn’t really something that has an answer. How we tell people varies. If you think this relationship has a future then being honest may help. Sharing with him the link above may help, as well as being able to answer any possible questions.
Am hiv over 15 years and my partner saying his hiv negative but we dated 7 years back and he doesn’t like using condom even if I insisted condom busted and I feel pregnant we brook up 2018 we got back together his still saying his clean and doesn’t want to use condom and he want us to get married and have kids I make excuses when we must have sex and i love him I don’t know how to tell him am hiv posetive
Hi Bobo,
If your partners negative, this means that you didn’t contract HIV from him. To know you’ll need to think about any risks that you’ve taken. If a CD4 count test has been done as well as viral load, what were the results. If you have a viral load this confirms your status.
Have you started treatment?
Hi, I went to test and found out that I’m positive, though I couldn’t even see the second line, the nurse said it is +, I’m pregnant and so my boyfriend also went to test and tested -been together 6 months. Apparently his ex had a boyfriend who recently died and had hiv. They took blood to check viral load and cd4count count etc, imy already on treatment, he’s going to test again after 3 months, I feel like I want a second test.
Hi Sandile,
Are you on medication? If you are and your viral load is undetectable you cannot transmit HIV when having sex without a condom. Please see here: http://i-base.info/u-equals-u/ If your viral load is detectable your partner may want to think about using PrEP. Info about PrEP can be found here: http://i-base.info/guides/testing/pep-pepse-and-prep
Hi I am HIV + and my girlfriend is negative we always use condom when having sex but it busts sometimes and when it does she cries that I don’t protect her, and love her and want to build a future with her buy I can see it in her eyes that sometimes she feels like leaving me, what should I do to protect her from getting infected thank u.